


EPISODE ONE: "Forks In The Road"

by gaypetersimmonds



Series: Skam Brighton: Season Six [3]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany), Original Work, SKAM (France), SKAM (Italy), SKAM (Netherlands), SKAM (Norway), SKAM (Spain), SKAM Austin, WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Non-Binary Character, Canon Trans Character, Episode 1, Gen, Skam Season 6, also for mentioned gagging??? no throwing up happens in clip 1 but there is a reference to gagging, tw for discussion of racism in clip 7, tw for discussion of suicidal thoughts and problems eating in clip 1, tw for misgendering and implied self harm in clip 6, tw for some discussion of addiction in clip 3, tw for underage drinking in clip 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-28 01:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypetersimmonds/pseuds/gaypetersimmonds
Summary: “Who are you?” said the Caterpillar.This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I-- I hardly know, sir, just at the present - at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then.”“What do you mean by that?” said the Caterpillar sternly. “Explain yourself!”“I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, sir,” said Alice, “because, you see, I’m not myself.”FIRST CLIP: "Life/Death"
Series: Skam Brighton: Season Six [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2071365
Comments: 14
Kudos: 8





	1. CLIP ONE: "Life/Death"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends!!!! i am Once Again using music that isn't on spotify, so here's some youtube links!!
> 
> where i'm at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFz1xw1MRYY
> 
> figure me out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9wJMss0xSs

INT. STAGE, DARK THEATRE

The stage is dark and empty. Silent. Then footsteps, shuffling, some whispers in the darkness. A click of fingers - lights up, warm and golden - as "Overture" from Jagged Little Pill begins to play.

Standing centre stage, her eyes blown wide in fear, is SANDY, surrounded by ESTHER, RORI, BRIANNA, LIZ, JAMES, NICK, THEO and JAKE.

SANDY and THE REST  
 _Swallow it down  
_ _What a jagged little pill_

They slowly walk around her as she shrinks in on herself - all of them dressed monochrome in different colours.

SANDY and THE REST  
 _It feels so good  
_ _Swimming in your stomach_

SANDY turns, and now standing in her focused place is LIZ, nervously stimming with her hands as the GIRL SQUAD spin her around.

LIZ and THE REST  
 _What goes around never comes around  
_ _Wake up_

They push her forward, as she ducks down, JAKE now standing centre stage behind her, angstily moving forward with THE BOY SQUAD.

JAKE and THE REST  
 _And all I really want  
_ _Is deliverance  
_ _A way to calm the angry voice_

They move to the sides, going back around as BRIANNA stands centre stage, angrily stomping in time to the music.

BRIANNA and the REST  
 _These are my words  
_ _This is my voice  
_ _This is my taste of which you have no part of_

They spin around and NICK takes her place, in all of his rage-filled glory.

NICK and THE REST  
 _And I'm here to remind you  
_ _Of the mess you left when you went away_

JAMES, THEO, RORI and ESTHER all step forward, not quite centre stage, but close enough to it.

JAMES, THEO, RORI, ESTHER and THE REST  
 _It's not fair to deny me  
_ _Of the cross I bear that you gave to me_

ESTHER’s face fills the screen - she looks sharply to the left.

ESTHER and THE REST  
 _You_

JAMES’s face fills the screen - he looks sharply to the left.

JAMES and THE REST  
 _You_

THEO’s face fills the screen - he looks sharply to the left.

THEO and THE REST  
 _You_

RORI’s face fills the screen - she looks sharply to the left.

RORI and THE REST  
 _You_

Darkness. We abruptly cut to:

BLACK SCREEN

Yellow text appears: **“SKAM BRIGHTON”.** It slowly fades away, much like the music in the background, like a pill disintegrating into water. And then:

**FRIDAY, MARCH 19TH, 16:54**

BLACK SCREEN

A sound plays, like a laptop starting up, like a quiet overture. The lights come up - and we see the dark grey clouds, the rain pattering down against the rooves and windows and ground, and the world is existing once again. We pan down to show that we are looking a shitty street in Brighton - the street that BRIANNA and ALISTAIR’s house is on.

A cat walks along the garden walls as we pan up to an upstairs window - the only one with its light still on on this dark and stormy night.

INT. ALISTAIR’S BEDROOM, ALISTAIR’S HOUSE

The room is the same as it ever was - clean but covered in posters and books and whatnot. ALISTAIR is sitting bolt upright on his bed, staring blankly ahead at the blank wall in front of him - right where the wall meets the ceiling, the paint is beginning to peal off. His knee is bouncing, his hands fidgeting with one another anxious as the music gets louder and louder and then-- Stops.

He slowly looks up at the camera. He awkwardly smiles, like greeting a stranger in the street, and then lets it fall away as he lets out a deep breath, looking awkwardly away.

ALISTAIR  
It's so hard to talk… when you wanna kill yourself.

He points ahead, like he’s directing someone, and the music kicks in - _"Where I'm At" from It's Kind Of A Funny Story_. VOICES begin to sing in his head - we can't see them or hear them, but they're there. ALISTAIR isn’t disturbed or confused - he’s used to this by now.

VOICES [V.O.]  
 _Woah_

He turns to the curtained window, and begins to talk/sing at it, quickly gesturing like he’s talking to a person.

ALISTAIR  
 _I haven’t figured out a decent word  
_ _To take the lead of the phrase to describe this thought  
_ _It's a word with a "dis-" like a thick disorder  
_ _A disease, disappointment, disaster, distraught_

He looks down at his hands and very firmly puts them in his lap, balled up fists to keep still.

ALISTAIR  
 _Disrupt_ _ive and draining  
_ _The paint on the walls  
_ _Of my brain is all flaky and peeling away_

He looks at the shitty cream paint on the wall, and just above the window sits a patch of black mould. He sighs, quietly rolling his eyes.

ALISTAIR  
 _Foundation is shaking  
_ _Through smiles that I'm faking  
_ _I'm achingly trying to get through each day  
_ _These struggles are backed by the fact that compassion is lacking_

He punches the air in ironic and bitter “celebration”, laughing quietly to himself - but it isn't funny.

ALISTAIR  
 _Like the true definition of real understanding falls flat  
_ _There’s a sky up above but I see it all shaking and cracking  
_ _And through the cracks I see no answers_

He looks back down at himself - just remembering he's still there - and lets out a breath, shaking his head.

ALISTAIR  
 _I don’t know-_

ALISTAIR and VOICES  
 _Where I’m at_

He jumps, a bit frightened, and then laughs, beginning to stim with his fingers.

ALISTAIR  
You're probably wondering, "Why? Why the hell would _you_ wanna kill yourself?" Uh, that's a great question.

He nods in a random direction, like he’s at an interview, and the humour slowly falls from his face. 

ALISTAIR  
It's like... I hear this constant humming.

He looks up at the ceiling as the VOICES above begin to get louder in their backing vocals.

ALISTAIR  
And it just gets louder, and louder and louder, and--

He clasps his hands over his ears protectively, his whole body shaking.

ALISTAIR  
 _As it starts to build, you can’t look down  
_ _Stand in awe, clench your jaw, you lost sight of normal_

He looks around the room, calming himself down and slowly standing up, opening the curtains.

ALISTAIR  
 _Try to stay somewhere safe, like your childhood memories  
_ _Too bad you can’t escape the mental thunderstorm_

He's met with the torrential downpour outside. He quietly sighs as he slumps down in his desk chair, talking to the window.

ALISTAIR  
 _The days on repeat  
_ _Every week with a shrink  
_ _Face-to-face with a doctor whose interest depleted  
_ _Sessions complete  
_ _With the same stupid questions  
_ _All psychiatrists ask without skipping a beat_

He sighs with the exhaustion of someone much older than him.

ALISTAIR  
 _With zero finesse every shrink has expressed  
_ _Their endorsement of pills that make life "less depressing"_

He does extremely sarcastic jazz hands.

ALISTAIR  
 _Addressing my stresses and pressures subjectively  
Seems like what Doctors might do when they’re guessing _

He laughs quietly, looking around for someone to laugh with him - but he's just left to look into the camera.

ALISTAIR  
 _Eighteen long years, and emotions are scattered and raging_

He does a little wiggle-dance to himself, forcing out a humourless laugh.

ALISTAIR  
 _Numbing the pain with a pill, 'till stability’s flat  
_ _But numbing the pain is just dumbing me down, nothing’s changing_

He holds on tightly to the arms of the chair - his knuckles going white with seething rage.

ALISTAIR  
 _Keep staring blankly at the walls  
_ _I don’t know-_

ALISTAIR and VOICES  
 _Where I’m at_

ALISTAIR jumps again, a little surprised, but then relaxes - which, for him, means being slightly less tense than before. The VOICES keep vocalising in the background as ALISTAIR speaks to us:

ALISTAIR  
And you would think that getting older will make all of this easier. But it doesn’t. 

He laughs to himself, shaking his head and looking at the heaping basket of laundry sitting at the foot of his bed. It flops over, undone by the weight of itself.

ALISTAIR  
Getting older just means more responsibilities… And more responsibilities... Less help.

He slowly turns around in the chair to the inside wall of his room, and we see there’s another person in the room that he’s talking to - a short and pale eleven year old GIRL. She's looking at him with her head tilted, listening, but questioning. And she's... not completely there.

ALISTAIR and (VOICES)  
 _Frustrations turn into a dim-lit light  
_ _On in the middle of a room at night  
_ _Can't see the little bit of glow  
_ _(Glow)  
_ _No_

He shakes his head, as he stands up, beginning to pace around the room.

ALISTAIR and (THE GIRL and VOICES)  
 _Wrong or right, no one seems to bother asking  
_ _(Wrong or right)  
_ _If we might need a little middle-of-the-road  
_ _(If we might, oh)  
_ _How could you know?_

ALISTAIR shrugs, giving up, as he pulls the cuffs of his jumper down to cover his hands.

ALISTAIR and (THE GIRL and VOICES)  
 _I guess you had to be there  
_ _(I tried to tell you but you don’t understand  
_ _I tried to tell you but you don’t understand)  
_ _I guess you had to be there  
_ _(I tried to tell you but you don’t understand  
_ _Don't understand)  
_ _And that's just-_

He turns to face THE GIRL, who's at least a good foot shorter than him.

ALISTAIR, THE GIRL and VOICES  
 _Where I’m at_

ALISTAIR  
 _Always scared of my potential  
_ _Never get how I'm essential  
_ _Yeah that's-_

ALISTAIR, THE GIRL and VOICES  
 _Where I'm at_

BUZZ! ALISTAIR's phone lights up on the other side of the room. He sighs, walking over to it.

ALISTAIR  
 _Where you’re force-fed what they hand you  
_ _And your friends don’t understand you_

He walks over, picks up his and sits down on his bed. He looks down at it - we see the time, 23:00 on Thursday the 18th, and he has many new messages from the MAIN SQUAD group chat, and the most recent one @'d him.

He taps on it, excited, to see that SOPHIE has tagged everyone to ask if they're going to "Thee Party" tomorrow night. ALISTAIR deflates, nervously tapping his phone against his leg as we see SOPHIE gets a lot of "yeah"s and thumbs up in response. 

A message comes in from THEO - "this is al's Monthly Agreed social event. it's basically st patrick's day." And an instant response from BRIANNA - "he's ginger, not irish. there's a difference, brit boy." And then from NICK - "Okay how much will it take for someone to order an irish car bomb tomorrow?". Many texts explode from ALISTAIR's phone - he jumps back, scared - as a sudden argument of who's "brave enough to die a hero" vs how "that's a really insensitive drink name, nick, honestly".

ALISTAIR sighs and turns his phone off. He puts it face down on his bed as he nervously taps the back of his phone case.

ALISTAIR  
 _Wrong or right, no one seems to bother asking  
_ _If we might need a little middle-of-the-road  
_ _How could you know_

He scrunches his face up, anxiously rubbing his nose - hard.

ALISTAIR  
 _Just-_

ALISTAIR, THE GIRL and VOICES  
 _Where I’m at_

THE GIRL walks through the desk chair in her way to stand in front of ALISTAIR - almost like a ghost.

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL  
 _Where your friends don’t care about you  
_ _Where they’re better off without you_

ALISTAIR  
 _Look at-_

ALISTAIR and VOICES   
_Where I’m at_

ALISTAIR looks out the window, as stormy night changes into drizzling morning.

ALISTAIR  
 _Where your Mum and Dad don’t get you  
_ _Try to live, but then forget to_

ALISTAIR stands up, and fixes his hair, trying to look more put together as he walks out his bedroom door.

INT. KITCHEN

ALISTAIR walks into the kitchen, where AUDREY, PATRICK and BRIANNA are all already sitting down eating breakfast - cereals and yoghurts and a million cups of tea. He awkwardly takes the last place at the table - because when has he ever done something un-awkwardly? - and THE GIRL follows him in. But no one else can seem to see her. They both look down at what's in front of ALISTAIR - meds, a glass of water and two pieces of miserable dry toast.

ALISTAIR  
 _On paper we're perfect  
_ _But paper is thin  
_ _As thin as my dad views the state of my skin_

PATRICK makes eye contact with ALISTAIR, giving him a quick smile as ALISTAIR nods back and swallows the medication sitting in front of him. AUDREY looks up with a smile.

AUDREY  
Right then, shall we do morning prayers?

ALISTAIR looks over at THE GIRL as she loudly scoffs and rolls her eyes.

ALISTAIR  
 _And so it begins_

The VOICES harmonise in the background as ALISTAIR looks at the water in front of him.

ALISTAIR  
 _They pray to give thanks  
_ _I just stare at my cup  
_ _They’ll ask that I eat, but I’ll throw it back up  
_ _No one dreads mealtime at home like I do_

AUDREY  
Al.

ALISTAIR looks up, deer in the headlights. AUDREY politely laughs.

AUDREY  
How are you?

ALISTAIR takes a moment, and then mimics her tone.

ALISTAIR  
Fine. How are you?

AUDREY  
Flipping wonderful.

A nice laugh around the table - normal family breakfast. PATRICK nods over at ALISTAIR

PATRICK  
Heard you up late last night.

ALISTAIR awkwardly laughs, looking down at the toast in front of him - it's not on a stand, so it's gone soggy.

ALISTAIR  
I was studying.

BRIANNA coughs into their hand.

BRIANNA  
Geek.

ALISTAIR gives her a joking glare, before looking back at his breakfast. He reaches down to hesitantly touch it - but then pulls away, wiping his hand down on the table.

AUDREY  
Something wrong with your breakfast, sweetie?

ALISTAIR awkwardly shifts about in his seat - clearly lying.

ALISTAIR  
No.

PATRICK doesn't seem to notice the lie.

PATRICK  
Well, then eat.

ALISTAIR sighs, glancing over at the camera before looking over to THE GIRL, who's boredly reading the back of a cereal box.

ALISTAIR  
I don't have an eating disorder.

The OTHERS don't seem to react - because they can't hear him. He's talking to THE GIRL and to us.

ALISTAIR  
That's, like, the number one thing. I just have problems eating? Because I can eat all of five different things. And they have to be in very specific conditions, and... What I can't seem to eat, I cannot keep down for the life of me.

AUDREY smiles at him, trying to be supportive, as he quickly looks back at her.

AUDREY  
Just try a few bites, Al.

ALISTAIR tightly smiles, his leg bouncing harder and harder under the table as he picks up a piece of toast - THE GIRL keeps looking at him with a wide smile.

THE GIRL  
You know, fasting today makes you look good tomorrow. German proverb.

ALISTAIR looks over at her sharply and takes a small bite of the toast - and immediately spits it back out. He quickly stands up, taking a big drink of water and running over to the sink - rinsing his mouth and spitting, rinsing his mouth and spitting.

PATRICK quietly groans behind, rubbing his forehead as ALISTAIR slowly stops himself, looking up to catch the reflection of the room in the window..

PATRICK  
Al, this is getting ridiculous. You're gonna be late for school. Eat.

ALISTAIR groans loudly - not a "normal people" groan, an obviously autistic groan.

ALISTAIR  
I’m not hungry!

His quiet stimming gets so hard that the glass in his hand is thrown onto the floor, smashing into a million little pieces - making everyone, including ALISTAIR, jump.

VOICES [V.O.]  
 _Woah_

ALISTAIR looks around, scared, as PATRICK sighs, rubbing his temples.

PATRICK  
[patronisingly] We all need to eat, Al. You come here and sit down and I'll clean up the mess.

ALISTAIR rolls his eyes, shaking his head and quickly running out the door to:

EXT. BACK GARDEN

ALISTAIR quickly paces the garden, clawing at his head with sharp nails as THE GIRL stands by the wall.

ALISTAIR and (THE GIRL)  
 _Can you blame me?  
_ _I know this can’t be right  
_ _(I try to tell you but you don't understand)  
_ _I stomach down and no wonder I lost my appetite  
_ _(I try to tell you but you don't understand)_

He pushes his hands down again, keeping them firmly by his side.

ALISTAIR and (THE GIRL)  
 _They try to save me, no one keeps me up at night  
_ _(I try to tell you but you don't understand)  
_ _They think they know what’s best for me but they don't know-  
_ _(You don't understand, you don't understand)_

ALISTAIR, THE GIRL and VOICES [V.O.]  
 _Where I’m at_

The music quietens down as ALISTAIR sighs, going still. He looks up to the cloudy sky, wiping the drizzle from his face.

ALISTAIR  
To sum up, I am eighteen years old and I cannot eat breakfast with my family without freaking out. 

He laughs quietly to himself - bitter and so, so angry.

ALISTAIR  
I'm an _adult_ and I can't wash the dishes because the texture makes me want to walk into the sea. I can't drive because my dad's scared I'll have a panic attack and crash the car. I can't get a job because everyone thinks it'll send me into a psychotic break and they might be right. I can't do... anything.

He lets out a deep breath, looking over to THE GIRL. She shrugs at him, just as tired of this as he is.

THE GIRL and VOICES [V.O.]  
 _Ah_

ALISTAIR  
 _Burned-out light  
_ _Up in the attic, so you’re up all night  
_ _Put out the little bit of glow  
_ _So_

He sighs, hunching over and looking back down at his feet as he walks back into the house.

INT. KITCHEN

PATRICK is sweeping up broken glass and doesn't look up as ALISTAIR walks in. ALISTAIR sighs quietly, ashamed, as AUDREY gives him an awkward nod as she hands ALISTAIR his schoolbag. BRIANNA's already gone with no goodbye. ALISTAIR smiles back awkwardly before walking out again.

ALISTAIR  
 _That’s just life  
_ _Thrown in the middle of a losing fight  
_ _Stuck but they’re forcing us to grow  
_ _So_

EXT. STREET

ALISTAIR walks down the street, THE GIRL walking a few feet behind him as he looks determinedly down at the ground.

ALISTAIR and (VOICES [V.O.])  
 _Dim-lit light  
_ _(Dim-lit light)  
_ _On in the middle of a  
_ _Room at night  
_ _(Room at night)  
_ _Can't see the little bit of glow  
_ _(Oh)_

A group of school kids in matching messy uniforms push past him, running on and laughing as he watches from afar.

ALISTAIR and (VOICES [V.O.])  
 _There’s no wrong or right  
_ _(Wrong or right)  
_ _No one seems to bother asking if we might  
_ _(If we might)  
_ _Need a little middle-of-the-road  
_ _(Oh)  
_ _How could you know?  
_ _(Oh)  
_ _I guess you had to be there_

The VOICES keep going as ALISTAIR awkwardly laughs, talking to the bushes he’s passing.

ALISTAIR  
Hi. I'm Alistair Fletcher. I always look like I’m about to cry, so I move the muscles on my face that make me smile. And that's my life! And this is--

ALISTAIR and VOICES [V.O.]  
 _Where I’m at_

He looks into the camera, the sky turning white behind him:

ALISTAIR  
Any questions?

The music cuts out as ALISTAIR sharply sits down and:

INT. DR FREDRICKSON'S OFFICE

We see that ALISTAIR has been talking to DR FREDRICKSON - a tired psychiatrist - the entire time. He awkwardly smiles as DR FREDRICKSON writes a lot of things quickly down on a pad of paper.

DR FREDRICKSON  
Well… Sounds like you’ve been feeling a lot, hmm?

ALISTAIR  
Yeah. You could say that.

DR FREDRICKSON nods, writing more things down.

ALISTAIR  
Well, it’s… It’s kind of like coming in shifts? Like, one minute I’m feeling fine, and then I’m really angry, and then really sad, and then nothing. And it’s never really… normal?

DR FREDRICKSON  
What you’re going through is perfectly normal.

ALISTAIR  
No, I know, but--

She interrupts him - he isn't surprised.

DR FREDRICKSON  
Do you think it's your medication making it worse?

ALISTAIR takes a moment, thinking about it.

ALISTAIR  
Well, they're not making it worse. They're not doing anything. I don't feel any worse or better, it's just, like... I don't feel anything.

DR FREDRICKSON  
Well, that isn't normal.

Music begins again - _"Figure Me Out" from It's Kind Of A Funny Story._ ALISTAIR sighs, tired, as he looks over to THE GIRL. She sighs, hand against her forehead, very overdramatic.

ALISTAIR  
Sometimes… I sympathize with salmon.

DR FREDRICKSON frowns, confused.

DR FREDRICKSON  
What does that mean?

ALISTAIR glances at the camera, and then back at her as he quickly speaks - reciting from memory.

ALISTAIR  
Every time I walk outside of my bedroom… It's like trying to walk into an already moving stream. There are always people, moving quickly in one direction, and sometimes I feel like if I don't time it just right, I'll mess everything up. Like I'll ruin the rhythm of the world around me.

THE GIRL nods at him, both approving and motioning for him to go on. He sighs, and does:

ALISTAIR  
 _I try to live but it isn't coming easy  
_ _'Cause I don't know how_

DR FREDRICKSON slowly nods, still looking incredibly confused, as he sighs, quickly gesturing with his hands as he speaks/sings:

ALISTAIR  
 _The voice within  
_ _Muffled, buried, in the chaos  
_ _Like you can't scream out  
_ _Think it circles like a broken record  
_ _Every thought is identical_

DR FREDRICKSON nods, making some notes as ALISTAIR sighs, looking out the window at the rain still coming down.

ALISTAIR  
 _You can't escape  
_ _Like you're restricted by the pressure  
_ _It's like you're wrapped up in tentacles_

ALISTAIR stands up, walking around to stand behind his chair.

ALISTAIR  
 _Don't look down  
The view is something permanent  
Life might whisper  
Death likes to shout  
_

He walks back around, looking at the same four white walls as he sits back down.

ALISTAIR  
 _Don't_ _break down  
A bridge before connecting  
To what might be on the other side  
I wanna figure me out _

DR FREDRICKSON frowns, confused, so ALISTAIR shakes himself out, trying to smile and look normal.

DR FREDRICKSON  
I can't help you with that stuff, Al. I'm not a trained therapist. Well, I can try, but I can't promise I'll be helpful. But if you think your meds aren't working, we can see about weaning you off them and getting you on something new.

ALISTAIR lets out a few quiet noises, blinking rapidly.

ALISTAIR  
Last time it took literal months to get off them.

DR FREDRICKSON  
Well, they're highly addictive. If you want to try something new, you have to be willing to put in the work.

ALISTAIR nods, smiling tightly.

ALISTAIR  
Right. I-- I am. Sorry.

DR FREDRICKSON  
I'll make some calls and we'll see about getting you started on something new. I'll call your dad when I know more.

ALISTAIR looks over to THE GIRL and they share a quiet eye roll.

ALISTAIR  
Great. I'll... keeping working on it.

DR FREDRICKSON  
See you in a few weeks.

She holds her hand out for a handshake - ALISTAIR awkwardly shakes it, not quite sure if he's doing it right, before quickly turning and walking out, THE GIRL following him.

INT. HALLWAY

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL walk down the hallway - many office doors with fancy locks, and even more landscape paintings with muted colours.

ALISTAIR  
 _Every day  
_ _Never noticing surroundings  
_ _Always looking down  
_ _In every way  
_ _I avoid the city skyline  
_ _Or the looming clouds_

He looks at the window as rain pitter-patters against it, and then looks at the painting of a very bland forest next to it.

ALISTAIR  
 _Or even trees  
_ _How they stand there  
_ _Strong with purpose  
_ _Telling me I need to “grow”_

He does the air quotes, as a NURSE walks past, and he plasters on a polite smile.

ALISTAIR  
 _I just see their roots all twisted  
_ _Strange, and tangled  
_ _And that's the only me I know_

As soon as the NURSE is gone, ALISTAIR goes back to his neutral expression, walking on and on down the endless, forever the same hallway.

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL  
 _Don't look down  
_ _And focus on what's hidden  
_ _And all your roots grow wildly deep underground  
_ _Don't cut down  
_ _A tree before it lives to see  
_ _What might be on the other side  
_ _I wanna figure me out_

They turn a corner and ALISTAIR peers through an open door to see:

INT. RECEPTION, CHILDREN'S WARD

ALISTAIR wanders in, knowing his way around, as some kids and teens and their parents sit in the waiting area, all on their phones, not talking to one another. The walls and floor are bright, but clearly old and dated, with a box of toys sitting in the corner. No one's even looking at them. The posters on the wall look as fitting for a primary school classroom as a psychiatrist's office.

ALISTAIR  
 _I guess I wanna take a minute  
_ _I wanna pause a thought  
_ _And zoom in on the frame_

He steps towards a wall of pamphlets, looking at ones about "feeling low" and "feeling nervous" and "wanting to hurt yourself" - all clean and sanitised for the kids.

ALISTAIR  
 _I'm just putting a pin in it  
_ _Until the thought is gone  
_ _My frame of mind's the same_

He awkwardly laughs, suddenly self-conscious as he looks behind himself at the people not even watching him.

ALISTAIR  
 _It's like I owe it to myself  
_ _To go achieve understanding  
_ _And leave with some upper hand  
_ _So, I climb back down into the mess  
_ _And I'm scared to death  
_ _This is an SOS_

He sighs deeply, as a RECEPTIONIST looks up at him, recognising him. She offers him a smile - he politely nods back and grabs a pamphlet for depression, like it's what he was meant to do.

ALISTAIR  
 _I try to live  
_ _But it isn't very easy  
_ _When you don't know how_

ALISTAIR awkwardly laughs, glancing over at THE GIRL. She nods at the door, and the two of them walk out.

INT. HALLWAY

There are seemingly a million signs, to offices and wards and rooms and bathrooms - but ALISTAIR just focuses in on the green "way out" signs, following them as fast as he can.

ALISTAIR, THE GIRL and VOICES [V.O.]  
 _Don't look down  
_ _The view is something permanent  
_ _Life might whisper  
_ _Death likes to shout  
_ _Don't break down  
_ _A bridge before connecting to  
_ _What might be on the other side_

They turn a corner:

INT. ENTRANCE HALL

ALISTAIR squirts some hand sanitiser onto his hands, washing them thoroughly as THE GIRL steps in front of the automatic door - and it doesn't open.

ALISTAIR, THE GIRL and VOICES [V.O.]  
 _Don't look down;  
_ _And focus on what's hidden  
_ _All your roots grow wildly deep underground.  
_ _Don't cut down  
_ _A tree before it's lived to see  
_ _What might be on the other side_

ALISTAIR steps in front of the big white doors - and the slide open to the rain outside.

ALISTAIR  
 _I wanna figure me out_

ALISTAIR takes out his phone and messages PATRICK - "i'm done. can you come get me? i forget where you parked." He gets an immediate response - "On my way", followed by a smiley emoji. ALISTAIR puts his phone back in his pocket and stares blankly ahead into the rain.

ALISTAIR  
 _I try to live_  
 _But it isn't very easy  
'Cause I don't know how_

We pan out as ALISTAIR and THE GIRL stand in the doorway together, no one coming or going. The rain begins to blur them out, lost in the grey of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to iriswrites in the comments of the season trailer, who correctly guessed that this season would be a musical!!!!
> 
> i just want to add some little Housekeeping notes here - this season will have 13 episodes and there will be a week long hiatus in the middle of it. and there Will be more clips than usual simply because i wanted to write as much as possible for the last season :).
> 
> i hope you're having a good day/night at the time of reading this, and i hope you enjoyed the clip!!!!


	2. CLIP TWO: "Make A Sound"

**SATURDAY, MARCH 20TH, 00:00**

_"Love, Me Normally" by Will Wood_ plays as we pan over the city, the glow of it against the night sky. The piers shine and sparkle as we flash past the buildings of Brighton, before landing on the Sallis Benney Theatre, and we slowly pan up the fire escape, staring up at the high, high standing platform from the ground.

We then pan down on a nightclub, with a rainbow flag outside, and go through the doors.

INT. MAIN ROOM, CLUB

We flash into the club, the lights flashing, the ground shaking, the people dancing and talking as loud as possible - but the smooth jazz keeps playing over it all. We settle on JAMES, sitting alone at the bar, drinking a beer as NICK and MILO make out next to him.

JAMES glances over at them, bored and a little bit confused, and gets off of his seat, beginning to walk off. He looks around and sees LIZ standing with the rest of the GIRL SQUAD, talking to them. He sighs and takes a long sip of his drink, before sitting next to a pretty girl and beginning to inaudibly talk to her.

Next to the girl sits THEO, who's boredly stares at his phone. He looks down the bar at JAMES and his girl, MILO and NICK, and JAKE talking to a handsome boy. He sighs, rolling his eyes, and looks down at his phone, continuing to boredly scroll through it.

We pan away from THEO to the crowd, going through it to find RORI, who's looking into a mirror on the wall, tucking her shirt into her skirt, and then pulling it back out a bit, never quite satisfied. Suddenly, two hands cover her eyes and she jumps around to see BRIANNA, smiling at her, and she smiles back, giving them a kiss on the cheek as we pan away.

We watch SANDY walk through the crowd and into the bathroom. We follow the way she came and see ESTHER and LIZ awkwardly leaning against the wall, both of them looking at their phones. ESTHER's scrolling through a page of job listings, sighing, tired. She takes a long, long sip of her drink.

We then pan around the room, past crowds and light and noise, to a lone table, covered in jackets and bags and empty drinks. As the chorus hits, we see that sitting at it, alone, is ALISTAIR, wearing headphones, his camera sitting next to him as he looks down at a tattered book he's reading. He looks up for a moment, looking around in bored curiosity at the people around him, all seeming to be in a different world.

He sighs, and them looks back down - he's reading "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland". The pages are dogeared, well worn and read. He's currently looking at an illustration of the infamous tea party, with the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. He traces down the lines of Alice's hair, as a drunk GIRL plops down in the seat next to him. He freezes, instantly moving away from her as she smiles at him.

DRUNK GIRL  
What are you reading?

ALISTAIR awkwardly laughs, shrugging, as she laughs again.

DRUNK GIRL  
Are you Y/N? Not like other girls?

ALISTAIR tenses again, pushing his headphones tighter over his ears - but the jazz is beginning to mix with the pulsing beat of _"Body" by Megan Thee Stallion._

ALISTAIR  
I'm not a girl.

The DRUNK GIRL frowns deeply - as _"Love, Me Normally"_ fades out completely.

DRUNK GIRL   
Yeah, duh. It's a joke.

ALISTAIR uncomfortably nods, laughing, as another GIRL comes along and picks the DRUNK GIRL off, smiling apologetically at ALISTAIR as she walks away.

ALISTAIR sighs, putting his book down as he picks his camera back up and begins to pan around the club, catching glimpses of the GIRL SQUAD and LAD SQUAD all glowing in the various shades of neon light. He sighs and glances over at the bar, where someone moves out of the way, leaving a gap. ALISTAIR moves to stand up, but then the gap gets filled by a loud group of people, and ALISTAIR awkwardly sits back down.

He looks over at where the LAD SQUAD are standing, all talking together, and stares off into the distance, his eyes unfocusing. _"Body"_ begins to static away, getting quieter and quieter. ALISTAIR looks around, a bit confused but going along with it, as some light piano music begins to play.

He carefully takes his headphones off as he looks around at the people, who are now silent as they - and the lights - go still, almost like statues. He lets out a breath, relaxing a little, as he begins to quietly sing along to the music - now, recognisably, _"Waving Through A Window" from Dear Evan Hansen:_

ALISTAIR  
_ I've learned to slam on the brake _

He coughs, clearing his throat - his voice is a bit high for the song, but he's trying.

ALISTAIR  
_ Before I even turn the key _

He looks over to the bathroom door, where the DRUNK GIRL from before is being led into it - and he instinctively cringes.

ALISTAIR  
_ Before I make the mistake  
_ _ Before I lead with the worst of me _

He awkwardly laughs, pulling his shirt out in front of him. Fidgeting his fingers together. Pushing his hair behind his face.

ALISTAIR  
_ Give them no reason to stare  
_ _ No slipping up if you slip away  
_ _ So I got nothing to share  
_ _ No, I got nothing to say _

He puts his headphones back on, looking a bit calmer as he does, as he begins to venture out into the frozen crowd, looking around at them curiously - their flashy, beautiful lives, their still smiles, their paused conversations. He keeps stimming, ashamed of his envy.

ALISTAIR  
_ Step out, step out of the sun  
_ _ If you keep getting burned  
_ _ Step out, step out of the sun  
_ _ Because you've learned, because you've learned _

The piano gets quieter as ALISTAIR looks back over at the LAD SQUAD - he doesn't see any tension or any flaws, he just sees their happiness.

ALISTAIR  
_ On the outside, always looking in  
_ _ Will I ever be more than I've always been?  
_ _ 'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass  
_ _ I'm waving through a window _

He turns to look in the direction of the GIRL SQUAD, all of them now together, seemingly having never been apart. He moves to go towards them, but then stops - overcome with quiet longing.

ALISTAIR  
_ I try to speak, but nobody can hear  
_ _ So I wait around for an answer to appear  
_ _ While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass  
_ _ I'm waving through a window, oh _

He holds a hand up to wave at one of the people, but they stay frozen. He sighs, rolling his eyes, shaking his head at himself.

ALISTAIR  
_ Can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me? _

He pulls his copy of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" out of his pocket, flipping through its contents is a few seconds.

ALISTAIR  
_ We start with stars in our eyes  
_ _ We start believing that we belong _

He slams the book shut, putting it back in the pocket of his oversized hoodie - so out of place compared to the pretty party clothes.

A LISTAIR  
_ But every sun doesn't rise  
_ _ And no one tells you where you went wrong _

He keeps walking through the crowd, searching fervently for some other alive person.

ALISTAIR  
_ Step out, step out of the sun  
_ _ If you keep getting burned  
_ _ Step out, step out of the sun  
_ _ Because you've learned, because you've learned _

He sighs, exhausted as he looks around the room - it's too big and too small all at once, millions of bodies and zero space.

ALISTAIR  
_ On the outside, always looking in  
_ _ Will I ever be more than I've always been?  
_ _ 'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass  
_ _ Waving through a window _

ALISTAIR gasps for breath, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve as he puts his hood up - protecting himself from the world around him as he walks quickly through the crowd.

ALISTAIR  
I _ try to speak, but nobody can hear  
_ _ So I wait around for an answer to appear  
_ _ While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass  
_ _ Waving through a window, oh  
_ _ Can anybody see, is anybody waving? _

He reaches a window and looks out and up at the fire escape of a building across the way, a high metal staircase - and ALISTAIR goes still. His expression goes blank. He remembers.

ALISTAIR  
_ When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around  
_ _ Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound?  
_ _ When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around  
_ _ Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? _

He turns around, deliberately ignoring the building as he edges his way around the walls, trying his hardest not to touch anyone - but they're frozen and keep getting in his way, and he can't find the door.

ALISTAIR  
_ When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around  
_ _ Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound?  
_ _ When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around  
_ _ Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? _

He looks around, frustrated, as no one else moves, no one looking at him - and he just barges his way through the crowd, trying to find... He doesn't even know anymore.

ALISTAIR  
_ Did I even make a sound?  
_ _ Did I even make a sound?  
_ _ It's like I never made a sound _

He almost screams for an answer, his hood falling back, just to spite him.

ALISTAIR  
_ Will I ever make a sound? _

Suddenly silence. ALISTAIR opens his mouth, waiting for more music to come, but it doesn't. He starts to breathe faster and faster and runs back to the table, putting his headphones on and picking his book back up. 

The music and the chatter and the lights and the people all slowly return to normal, as loud and as fast as ALISTAIR's breathing. Laughter as _"Body"_ keeps playing, people dancing everywhere, drinks being downed, a million conversations being had. And ALISTAIR stays sitting with the bags. He takes his book back out and holds it firmly in front of his face - like a shield.


	3. CLIP THREE: "Shark Bait"

**SATURDAY, MARCH 20TH, 21:12**

_“Rolling” from Bare A Pop Opera_ plays as we pan over the city, the glow of it against the night sky. It's similar to before, almost like we're watching a repeat, but it's a little earlier. A few more lights are on.

The screen begins to static, crackling up as we cut to:

INT. LIVING ROOM, SANDY'S HOUSE

We pan around the room from the perspective of a mobile phone - it's dark, there's drinks - it's a typical teen house party. We cut around to BRIANNA, RORI, LIZ, ESTHER and SANDY looking at the camera together, laughing and talking silently.

We quickly cut to a video panning across a reasonable amount of people - including MILO, SOPHIE and ANNABELL - and then it pans back, and repeats - a boomerang.

We quickly cut to a blurry and shaky video of JAMES, THEO and JAKE all chugging beers together, clearly in some sort of competition, and the camera quickly cuts around to show NICK dramatically talking to the camera:

NICK  
The current score is 2-nil-nil to James Cohen!

INT. ALISTAIR’S BEDROOM, ALISTAIR’S HOUSE

The song cuts out as we cut out of the video to see ALISTAIR, blank-faced, lying on his bed, headphones on, staring down at the videos playing on his phone as they end, quickly cutting to the Instagram homepage. He sighs, and his thumb hovers over SANDY’s story icon, about to watch again, when there’s a cough off screen. ALISTAIR groans loudly and looks over to his desk.

Sitting on ALISTAIR’s desk is THE GIRL from before. She’s looking at him disdainfully, her legs swinging above the floor.

THE GIRL  
That's the sixth time you've watched those videos in the past five minutes.

ALISTAIR sits up properly, awkwardly hunching over his phone.

ALISTAIR  
Each one’s only, like, ten seconds long.

THE GIRL  
 _Exactly_.

She rolls her eyes, sighing, as ALISTAIR presses play on the stories again, conversations quietly happening inside his headphones.

ALISTAIR  
I-- I mean, it's pretty unhealthy. What they're doing. It's like jumping into the ocean with all of your friends wearing matching shark bait outfits.

A beat.

THE GIRL  
What the fuck are you talking about?

He shrugs, like it's obvious.

ALISTAIR  
Like, meat. That sharks eat.

THE GIRL gives him a long, hard look. He bristles, taking a deep breath.

ALISTAIR  
What I'm trying to convey with my metaphor is that addiction is an illness, and if you're purposefully going out into a triggering place, it isn't a good idea.

THE GIRL  
Then why don't you stop them, genius?

ALISTAIR  
I try. They say they're being safe. I think they're being stupid, but I won't tell them that because--

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL  
[in perfect unison] Then they'll hate me.

ALISTAIR rolls his eyes and presses his headphones harder over his ears.

THE GIRL  
You could just talk to them. It's easy. It's just words. Anyone can do it.

ALISTAIR keeps ignoring her. A few moments. Then THE GIRL sighs loudly, clearly bored.

THE GIRL  
So, what excuse did you give them tonight?

ALISTAIR doesn’t look up from his phone, but he does sit up a little straighter.

ALISTAIR  
I told them I had stomach problems.

THE GIRL snorts, her eyebrows flying up.

THE GIRL  
Okay... So they either think you have diarrhea or you're on your period.

ALISTAIR looks up at her, bewildered.

ALISTAIR  
Why would they think that?

THE GIRL  
You didn't specify!

ALISTAIR freezes, plugging his headphones out from his phone but not taking them off.

ALISTAIR  
Should-- Should I have? Is that normal? Whenever some of them say they're sick, they just say they're sick, but... Fuck. 

ALISTAIR stims with his hands as THE GIRL shrugs, nonchalant as anything.

THE GIRL  
I mean, you definitely fucked up. But they're probably not thinking about you anyway.

ALISTAIR quickly shakes his head, sitting up straighter.

ALISTAIR  
No, they can see me watching their stories.

THE GIRL  
Yeah. So they think you're a stalker.

ALISTAIR sighs, rolling his eyes hard.

ALISTAIR  
That makes no sense at all. Did you ever hear of the phrase "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?"?

THE GIRL  
Well, I'm not saying anything.

A beat. ALISTAIR goes from mildly annoyed to exhausted as THE GIRL laughs to herself, her legs swinging through the desk chair in front of her.

THE GIRL  
I'm in your head, Ali. Or did you forget?

ALISTAIR smiles sarcastically.

ALISTAIR  
[sarcastic] Oh, how could I ever forget, my beloved?

THE GIRL grins, laughing as she shakes her shoulders.

THE GIRL  
Ooh, sassy!

ALISTAIR sighs, taking his headphones off and flopping back to lie on his bed.

ALISTAIR  
Can you just... be quiet? I'm tired and I'm not... feeling well.

She looks him up and down - they both know he's physically fine.

THE GIRL  
I know.

ALISTAIR nods, muttering to himself as he stares up at the ceiling:

ALISTAIR  
Yes, of course, for you know everything... 

THE GIRL calls out cheerfully:

THE GIRL  
At least I’m not an eighteen year old loser sitting alone talking to himself on a Saturday night.

ALISTAIR groans, pulling his pillow over his face and covering his ears.

ALISTAIR  
I'm taking time for myself to make sure I feel... taken care of. 

THE GIRL  
That sounds like you're just gonna jerk off.

THE GIRL laughs to herself as ALISTAIR sits up and throws the pillow at her - it goes straight through her. He groans, hiding his face in his hands, as she keeps laughing.

ALISTAIR  
Why is my weird imaginary friend an eleven year old? Why can't you be something cool or scary?

THE GIRL folds her arms, turning her nose up at him.

THE GIRL  
Eleven year old girls are cool and scary.

ALISTAIR nods in mild agreement as there’s a knock at the door - ALISTAIR’s eyes go wide as THE GIRL mimes zipping her lips. He brushes himself down, smoothing himself out.

ALISTAIR  
Come in.

The door opens and ALISTAIR switches himself on - his whole face brightening up as he smiles - PATRICK walks in, wearing an Asda uniform and an awkward smile. 

ALISTAIR  
Hi, Dad!

PATRICK  
Hey. 

He picks the pillow off of the desk, THE GIRL frowning at him as he throws it back at ALISTAIR, who reaches out to catch it - he does not. He tries to not look too disappointed, quickly laughing with PATRICK. It's very awkward, very staged.

PATRICK  
How are you doing?

ALISTAIR  
Good! All good up here.

THE GIRL snorts in the background - ALISTAIR gives her a quick death glare.

PATRICK  
Great. I was just about to head to work.

A pause. PATRICK watches ALISTAIR, as ALISTAIR stays extremely tense, his mouth opening and closing a few times, before settling on:

ALISTAIR  
Have fun?

PATRICK gives a sarcastic little laugh.

PATRICK  
Oh, time of my life.

ALISTAIR nods, laughing back with him - trying to get back into the swing of it.

ALISTAIR  
Well, we are told to partake in capitalism for the majority of the time of our lives, so we do have to get used to it eventually to survive.

A beat. PATRICK awkwardly laughs and nods, passing over it.

PATRICK  
Okay. Well, Audrey's downstairs if you need her. She's probably going to go to sleep soon, but you have my number and Bree's. There's some of that chocolate you like next to the biscuits and your cup's all washed and ready if you're thirsty.

ALISTAIR quietly sighs, the smile not leaving his face as he quickly blinks - THE GIRL laughing in the background at him.

ALISTAIR  
I know, Dad. I live here too.

PATRICK  
No, I know, I just…

He awkwardly pats ALISTAIR’s head, messing up his hair.

PATRICK  
I want to make sure you're safe.

ALISTAIR gives him a confused look.

ALISTAIR  
I'm in my bedroom. What's gonna happen to me? Someone's gonna break into the bathroom and knock me out with the showerhead?

ALISTAIR laughs, and PATRICK does too.

PATRICK  
Oddly specific, but… You know.

ALISTAIR nods, looking down at his lap - trying not to sound upset, but he does.

ALISTAIR  
[sarcastic] Yes. I'm the most special boy in all the kingdom.

PATRICK doesn't laugh. He sighs, used to this, as ALISTAIR looks down, instantly ashamed of himself. PATRICK sits on the bed next to him.

PATRICK  
Special in a good way, Mary Jane.

ALISTAIR groans as PATRICK laughs to himself, very proud.

ALISTAIR  
Please stop calling me that.

PATRICK quickly shakes his head.

PATRICK  
Never in a million years! 

ALISTAIR  
I don't like it, 'cause when you say it, it's a funny joke about the café next to our old house that we went to all the time, but when other people hear it, they think about the weed.

THE GIRL  
 _The_ weed?

ALISTAIR ignores her.

PATRICK  
And that's what makes it so funny. Besides, there's no one else here.

THE GIRL looks around, offended at his ignorance, as ALISTAIR glances up into the camera lens, and then back at PATRICK - who's still laughing. ALISTAIR raises an eyebrow at him, unimpressed, but then slowly begins to laugh too, giving into it, as THE GIRL rolls her eyes in the background.

PATRICK  
I'm your dad! It's my job to embarrass you.

He pats ALISTAIR’s head again, ruffling his hair up - ALISTAIR quickly tries to fix it - and stands up.

PATRICK  
See you in the morning.

He walks over to the door.

ALISTAIR  
Love--

PATRICK’s already out the door - it slams shut behind him.

ALISTAIR  
You… 

He sighs, all brightness falling from his face as he rubs his face down with his hands. THE GIRL laughs, and he looks over to see her looking at him with a mix of smugness and pity.

ALISTAIR  
Don't look at me like that.

THE GIRL  
I literally don't have a physical form.

ALISTAIR sighs deeply, flopping back on his bed, looking up at the ceiling.

ALISTAIR  
I hate you.

THE GIRL  
[sarcastic] Oh, I'm _so_ sad, let me just cry a million tears.

He ignores her once again, grabbing his headphones and putting them on. When he turns his phone on, he's once again met with footage from the party - he quickly exits out of it, letting his phone fall onto his chest as he closes his eyes, letting out a deep breath.


	4. CLIP FOUR: "Just Another Day"

**MONDAY, MARCH 22ND, 08:15**

INT. ALISTAIR’S BEDROOM, ALISTAIR’S HOUSE

ALISTAIR lies in his bed, his face turned towards the ceiling, blanket over him, fast asleep, breathing in and out peacefully for a few moments. We pan out and see THE GIRL sitting on the desk chair, her knees pulled tightly into her chest. She turns her attention to the door and counts down - three, two, one:

PATRICK [O.S.]  
[yelling] Wake up, everyone!

THE GIRL nods, very satisfied with her perfect time as ALISTAIR squints, waking up. He rubs his eyes as he robotically sits up, turning to look over at THE GIRL.

THE GIRL  
Morning, sunshine! Sleep well?

ALISTAIR gives her a tired look, and then stands up, walking straight out of the room.

INT. LANDING

ALISTAIR stands blearily in the hallway, closing the door tightly behind him. as AUDREY rushes down the stairs, buttoning up her shirt. He attempts to fix his extremely messy hair and walks towards the bathroom door. He opens it, and then quickly closes it, turning around to face away with wide eyes.

BRIANNA [O.S.]  
Knock, dickhead!

ALISTAIR  
Sorry!

There’s a loud sigh from the bathroom as ALISTAIR takes a deep breath, rubbing his forehead as gentle guitar music begins - _"Just Another Day" from Next to Normal._ He looks off into the distance, his eyes hazy as the music gets louder and he begins to sing:

ALISTAIR  
 _They're the perfect loving family, so adoring  
_ _And I love them every day of every week  
_ _So my sister’s a little shit, my step-mum's boring  
_ _And my dad thinks I’m a genius and a freak_

He shakes himself out, pulling his sleep shirt out in front of him - half stimming, half self conscious.

ALISTAIR  
 _Still I help them love each other  
_ _Father, mother, sister, brother  
_ _Cheek to cheek_

The bathroom door opens and ALISTAIR jumps forward, smile on his face, the music continuing in the background as BRIANNA steps out of the bathroom, brushing their hair.

BRIANNA  
All yours, pervert.

ALISTAIR  
I said sorry.

A beat. He realises he was being too sincere. BRIANNA awkwardly smiles.

BRIANNA  
I know. I was just kidding.

ALISTAIR  
No, I know, I was joking too, I'm very... comedic.

They stare at each other blankly for a second. She nods, walking on as ALISTAIR quietly lets out a breath, stepping in.

INT. BATHROOM

The smile falls the second the door closes as he sighs out a deep breath, brushing the hair out of his face.

ALISTAIR  
 _So it's times like these I wonder how I take it  
_ _And if other people live the way I do_

He pulls open the shower curtain and sets some towels on the sink, not even having to look to know what he's doing.

ALISTAIR  
 _If they love their family or if they just fake it  
_ _And if other children feel like I feel too_

He takes a moment to look into the mirror above the sink, wiping a bit of toothpaste off of it.

ALISTAIR  
 _'Cause some days I think I'm dying  
_ _But I'm really only trying to get through_

He ducks down, and when he comes back up to look in the mirror, his hair is wet and he has a towel around his body and his shoulders.

ALISTAIR  
 _For just another day, for another stolen hour  
_ _When the world will feel my power and obey_

He quickly shakes his hair dry, and gets water all over the mirror. He sighs, and begins to wipe it down.

ALISTAIR  
 _It's just another day  
_ _Feeling like I'll live forever  
_ _Feeling like this feeling never goes away_

He takes a deep breath, looking at his slightly distorted reflection.

ALISTAIR  
 _For just another day_

The music continues in the background as he turns and walks out of the door.

INT. HALLWAY

As soon as ALISTAIR walks out the door, he jumps, instinctively holding his towel tightly around himself as he sees AUDREY stands at the bottom of the stairs and BRIANNA standing half-dressed with her arms folded in the hallway.

AUDREY  
Those shorts are far too short for this time of year!

BRIANNA  
It’s springtime! Let me live!

ALISTAIR looks between them and awkwardly coughs, trying to get some attention on him.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, it’s really warm, Audrey.

A beat. AUDREY sighs as BRIANNA gives ALISTAIR a smile - he smiles back at them.

AUDREY  
Fine.

BRIANNA laughs to herself, shooting ALISTAIR a wink as she walks back into her room, and ALISTAIR sighs, quickly walking into his room.

INT. ALISTAIR’S BEDROOM

THE GIRL sits on the bed, boredly leafing through "The Raven Boys" by Maggie Stiefvater as ALISTAIR looks through his dresser, pulling out clothes.

ALISTAIR  
 _When it's up to you to hold your house together  
_ _A house you built with patience and with care  
_ _But you're grappling with that grey and rainy weather_

He opens the curtains and is met with the bright sunshine - he frowns at himself, confused by himself.

ALISTAIR  
 _And you're living on a latte and a prayer_

THE GIRL stands up, closing the curtains as ALISTAIR turns to get dressed - he nods at her, thankful.

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL  
 _Can you keep the cup from tipping  
_ _Can you keep your grip from slipping in despair_

INT. LANDING

ALISTAIR - now fully dressed and dry - walks out of his bedroom door, THE GIRL right behind him. THE GIRL pushes the strap of ALISTAIR's bag up onto his shoulder

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL  
 _For just another day  
_ _In the hustle and the hurry  
_ _You want to wipe your worry clean away_

They quickly walk down the staircase together, ALISTAIR turning on his phone and seeing zero notifications. 

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL  
 _For just another day  
_ _I will keep the plates all spinning  
_ _With a smile so white and winning all the way_

INT. FRONT HALLWAY

ALISTAIR puts his phone back in his pocket and glances into the mirror - where he and THE GIRL are standing together, but when we see him in the hallway, he’s alone.

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL  
 _'Cause what doesn't kill me doesn't kill me  
_ _So fill me up for just another day_

The music continues in the background as he brushes the hair out of his face and walks through the door.

INT. KITCHEN

PATRICK and AUDREY sit at the dining table, both drinking a cup of tea, as BRIANNA eats a piece of toast, leaning against the kitchen counter. ALISTAIR walks in, smile bright on his face, THE GIRL running in after him and taking a seat on the countertop.

ALISTAIR  
Morning, all!

PATRICK  
Morning, Al.

PATRICK gives him a smile as ALISTAIR looks at the food surrounding him - he takes a banana from the fruit bowl, but doesn't open it.

AUDREY  
You're wearing a jumper.

ALISTAIR looks down at himself.

ALISTAIR  
Yes, I am. Thanks for noticing?

AUDREY  
Aren't you boiling? I swear, the weather's been more up and down than a rollercoaster.

AUDREY and PATRICK share a laugh as ALISTAIR politely joins in.

BRIANNA  
Do you know what’s a really fun thing to do, Al?

ALISTAIR  
What?

BRIANNA  
Knocking on the bathroom door.

ALISTAIR politely laughs, giving her a middle finger as she gives one back.

ALISTAIR  
I said I’m sorry. I was in a rush, I had to shower.

PATRICK  
Good job!

THE GIRL laughs loudly as ALISTAIR gives PATRICK a smile, trying to look thankful.

AUDREY  
You know, neither of you would be in a rush to have the bathroom if you didn’t sleep in so much.

ALISTAIR shrugs, and then quickly smiles - an idea coming.

ALISTAIR  
What are we meant to do? Sleep out?

BRIANNA and THE GIRL both loudly groan as PATRICK shakes his head quietly.

PATRICK  
That was truly awful, Al.

BRIANNA  
I hate you.

She pops the end of her toast into her mouth and leans off the counter.

BRIANNA  
Okay, I'm going now. Al, if you’re not done in a minute, I’m leaving without you.

ALISTAIR looks confused, looking over at them.

ALISTAIR  
But Sandy promised she’d give me a ride today.

BRIANNA laughs, just joking around, as she walks out the door.

BRIANNA  
You have fifty seconds left.

ALISTAIR, not quite able to tell what's going on, looks over at AUDREY and PATRICK, who are quietly talking over their tea together. He quietly clears his throat, trying to get some attention.

PATRICK  
[not looking up] Don't forget your meds, Al.

A beat. ALISTAIR sighs.

ALISTAIR  
Right.

He quickly takes his meds, taking a very large drink of water afterwards. He winces, hating the taste, texture, all of it. He nervously adjusts the strap of his bag, looking over at THE GIRL, who's occupied herself reading the back of his medication box.

THE GIRL  
These are a lot of side effects. Headaches, nausea... Ooh, hair loss! You'd look awful bald.

She gives him a wide grin as he stims with his fingers and quickly walks out the back door.

EXT. BACK GARDEN

In the small, shitty back garden, CUSTARD stalks along the garden wall, his nose turned up into the air as ALISTAIR walks out the door, banging his arm against the door handle. He winces and rubs it, not adjusting the fabric of his shirt surrounding it as THE GIRL laughs, also sitting on the garden wall. 

ALISTAIR  
 _It only hurts when I breathe  
_ _It only hurts when I try  
_ _It only hurts when I think  
_ _It only hurts when I cry_

He laughs quietly to himself, no humour in it, nervously running his hands through his hair.

ALISTAIR  
 _It only hurts when I work  
_ _It only hurts when I play  
_ _It only hurts when I move  
_ _It only hurts when I say_

He sighs, putting on his usual bright smile, but it’s on the verge of falling off.

ALISTAIR  
 _It's just another day_

THE GIRL jumps off the garden wall, landing perfectly on her feet.

THE GIRL  
 _A busy, busy day_

ALISTAIR  
 _And the morning sun is stunning_

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL  
 _And you wish that you were running far away_

They both peer over the gate, looking through various other gardens and graffiti covered walls.

ALISTAIR  
 _It's just another day_

THE GIRL  
 _I'll survive another day_

ALISTAIR  
 _Birds are singing, things are growing_

THE GIRL  
 _And I will pray to hold on just this way_

ALISTAIR  
 _And you wish you could be going but you stay_

THE GIRL  
 _You stay_

ALISTAIR takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and steadying himself. THE GIRL looks him up and down, scoffing to herself.

ALISTAIR  
 _And for my family's sake  
_ _I'll take what I can take_

ALISTAIR glares at her - she goes silent, mockingly scared.

ALISTAIR  
 _I'm only just awake  
_ _Every day is just another and another and another_

THE GIRL laughs at him, rolling his eyes as ALISTAIR hyperventilates, balling his hands into fists.

ALISTAIR  
 _I will hold it all together  
_ _I'm the perfect loving son  
_ _If they say I'm not, then fuck 'em_

THE GIRL blinks rapidly, taken aback as ALISTAIR keeps plowing on:

ALISTAIR  
 _The perfect loving person  
_ _I will keep the plates all spinning  
_ _And the world just keeps on spinning_

He takes a gasp of breath, leaning against the wall of the house as he blinks rapidly, the music cutting out.

ALISTAIR  
And I think everything's spinning… 

He looks around, confused, and then sighs, disappointed with himself. He turns to face the wall and places both hands on it, firm and flat-palmed.

ALISTAIR  
[whispers] You are here. You are fine. You are alive. You are breathing.

THE GIRL creeps up behind him and whispers in his ear, copying his soothing tone:

THE GIRL  
You are a freak.

ALISTAIR jumps, turning around to glare at her. She shrugs, smiling innocently as a car horn beeps in the background.

THE GIRL  
That'll be your ride.

ALISTAIR smiles at her sarcastically.

ALISTAIR  
[sarcastic] Thank you so much for that. I had no idea.

THE GIRL rolls her eyes and waits at the back door, as ALISTAIR pulls himself together. His face brightens up as he brushes his hands down on his trousers. He opens the back door and walks in, THE GIRL skipping in after him. 

CUSTARD jumps down off the wall and wanders on in through the cat flap, taking his sweet time with it. His tail curls around the corner as he disappears through the door.


	5. CLIP FIVE: "Oxymoron"

**WEDNESDAY, MARCH 24TH, 08:50**

EXT. ENTRANCE, BACA

We pan around the school entrance as many bedraggled and tired STUDENTS walk in, chatting with one another or on their phones. We focus on SANDY, ESTHER, LIZ, BRIANNA, RORI, JAKE, JAMES, THEO, NICK, JAKE, ANNABELL, SOPHIE and MILO all sitting/standing on and around the benches outside the school, mid-conversation, but we can’t hear it - we’re too far away.

We pan around to see ALISTAIR, camera round his neck, standing behind the gate, peering out from behind it to watch them. He fiddles with the strap of his bag, tapping it quickly in a pattern of four. THE GIRL peeks out from behind him, tilting her head in confusion.

THE GIRL  
What’s Jake doing here?

ALISTAIR  
It’s Wednesday, he has a free hour first thing on Wednesdays. 

THE GIRL turns to him with raised eyebrows.

THE GIRL  
Interested in his time table, are we?

ALISTAIR gives her a look, scoffing, quick on the defense.

ALISTAIR  
No. I'm just good at remembering things about my friends, like how Annabell doesn't have classes on Wednesdays, which is why they're here. I am very smart.

THE GIRL snorts.

THE GIRL  
If you say so, creep. Did you remember to bring all your stuff for class, or...?

ALISTAIR stiffens - immediate panic. He opens his bag and rifles through it - counting out carefully all of his books and needed things. And he lets out a deep breath.

ALISTAIR  
I hate you so much.

THE GIRL  
If you'd forgotten something, this would've been useful.

ALISTAIR  
Still.

She rolls her eyes as he straightens up, rolling his shoulders back.

ALISTAIR  
[to himself] Okay. You can do this. They're your friends. You're gonna be fine.

THE GIRL looks him up and down as a group of YOUNGER STUDENTS walk past.

THE GIRL  
Jesus Christ.

ALISTAIR raises his eyebrows at her.

ALISTAIR  
I'm being _positive_.

THE GIRL snorts, rolling her eyes.

THE GIRL  
Yeah. A positive _freak._

ALISTAIR  
Where do you get your insults? The Disney Channel?

THE GIRL  
That basically doesn't exist anymore.

ALISTAIR holds a hand up, shushing her.

ALISTAIR  
I don't care about the details of the capitalistic mouse. My point still stands.

ALISTAIR rolls his eyes, and puts his smile on, passing THE GIRL by and walking up to the large group of people.

ALISTAIR  
Morning!

There are many noises of greeting in return, some of them turning back to their previous conversation as LIZ looks blearily up at him.

LIZ  
Why are you so happy?

THE GIRL snorts in the background as ALISTAIR shrugs.

ALISTAIR  
Sun is shining, world is new.

LIZ nods, and then sneezes into her elbow as SANDY gives her a pointed look.

SANDY  
Someone’s feeling a bit shit because they’re sick and they should be at home.

LIZ  
I have to learn!

SANDY  
You’re gonna get people sick.

LIZ  
My parents _never_ let me stay home when I’m sick. They say I’m “wasting time over nothing”.

ALISTAIR nods, getting it, as ESTHER looks at LIZ, taken aback.

ESTHER  
That’s fucked up.

ANNABELL shrugs.

ANNABELL  
I mean, it’s not that bad. It’s just a little cold.

THEO leans over:

THEO  
[ominously] A little cold could lead to a whole lot more.

He raises his eyebrows, over the top, as JAKE rolls his eyes.

JAKE  
Jesus Christ, mate, you’re making it sound like the world’s gonna be taken over by some dystopian virus.

NICK  
You never know.

A long beat. ALISTAIR then very loudly and awkwardly laughs - no one else does.

BRIANNA  
Love this thread of conversation! Very happy and fun!

JAMES raises his cigarette awkwardly.

JAMES  
Hey, life is shit and then you die.

LIZ pensively looks off into the distance.

LIZ  
I remember when I used to be able to breathe through my nose.

RORI  
I have a packet of tissues in my bag, do you want them?

LIZ  
You are an angel, thank you.

RORI smiles and begins to search through her bag.

MILO  
Honestly, nothing worse than being sick and having to use school toilet roll.

BRIANNA clicks her fingers, nodding enthusiastically.

BRIANNA  
Or those fucking blue paper towels!

NICK  
It’s awful!

SOPHIE  
What do they even put in that shit? It literally feels like sandpaper.

JAMES  
Anyone would think the school needed to buy the cheapest stuff.

ESTHER nods, tight-lipped.

ESTHER  
Love how money is always the most important thing in life. Really feels good to not have it.

ALISTAIR looks at her, confused.

ALISTAIR  
I thought you had a job.

An awkward beat, as the others exchange some looks - ALISTAIR tenses, knowing he's done something wrong as ESTHER laughs awkwardly.

ESTHER  
Got laid off.

THE GIRL snorts, looking rapidly between ALISTAIR and ESTHER as ALISTAIR awkwardly laughs.

ALISTAIR  
Oh.

SANDY squeezes ESTHER’s hand.

SANDY  
They didn’t deserve you anyways.

ESTHER  
Yeah, obviously, I hated it there, but still. I’m poor.

NICK  
We’re all working class here, bitch.

JAKE  
Not all of us.

LIZ nods, blowing her nose.

THEO  
It's just weird that we need to have jobs at the same time as being in school to survive, like...

ESTHER sighs deeply, nodding.

ESTHER  
I know. I hate it here. I am an eighteen year old child.

JAMES  
Now that’s an… Wait, what the fuck is it?

He looks around, confused, as LIZ looks at him, confused.

LIZ  
An oxymoron?

JAMES nods with a wide smile.

JAMES  
The very bitch!

They share eye contact for a moment - the entire group is silent. LIZ quickly looks away as ANNABELL coughs loudly.

ANNABELL  
Well, anyways…

There's a pause. ALISTAIR awkwardly raises his hand, like he's in class already - THE GIRL rolls her eyes at him.

ALISTAIR  
Well, actually oxymorons are kind of a fun thing. 

THE GIRL raises an eyebrow at him, the others looking a bit confused as he quickly barrels on.

ALISTAIR  
Like-- Like in song writing? It creates a really interesting effect that keeps the listener interested. And I saw this exercise thing online where you say one thing you think is negative about yourself, and then say one positive that some people may view of contradicting, but it isn’t really, because we all have warped perceptions of societal norms. It's like a compliment sandwich thing, but with one less piece of bread. Like a... compliment pizza.

He keeps awkwardly smiling as THEO snorts.

THEO  
Party time all the time with you.

ALISTAIR laughs a little, nervously fiddling with his hands as he looks down.

ALISTAIR  
I-- I just thought you all were sad, so--

ESTHER frowns, confused.

ESTHER  
We’re not sad.

ALISTAIR’s mouth stays open for a moment, THE GIRL watching with a morbid curiosity.

ALISTAIR  
I… You know what I mean.

RORI  
We do… I think?

JAMES puts his cigarette out on the top of a bin before throwing it in it.

JAMES  
You know what? I think that’s a good idea. Let’s do some fucking DIY home therapy.

SOPHIE  
We’re at school.

RORI  
Educational therapy, then.

ALISTAIR nods, awkwardly opening his mouth.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, because therapy is something the vast majority of people need without realising it, but it’s been so stigmatised, but it’s getting less so, which is great. But there's also the class element, and with the NHS, public funded therapists are over-worked and underpaid, so private is usually the best way to be seen quickly, but it's really expensive.

He awkwardly smiles, glancing over at THE GIRL for approval, but she shakes her head at him.

NICK  
Yeah, it sucks. Still haven't been diagnosed with ADHD when it's, like, so obviously there. But pogchamp in the chat for mental health!

He does two thumbs up as MILO looks at them with loving disdain.

MILO  
I hate that so much, babe.

They share a laugh, NICK putting their arm around MILO as there’s a brief silence, which ALISTAIR awkwardly breaks with a raise of his hand again - which he turns into a stretch, trying to look cool. He does not.

ALISTAIR  
I mean, it’s like yeah, things are fucked up both personally and on a worldwide level, but some stuff's not so bad. I mean, it's still bad. A lot of it is bad. But people started running out of fucks to give in the early 2000s, and that’s probably a better thing then a worse one.

He smiles, a lot more genuine than before, but it’s hard to tell the difference.

SOPHIE  
You just say whatever you're thinking, huh?

ALISTAIR awkwardly laughs, his smile dimming as THE GIRL rolls her eyes.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, I'm so good at improv...

THE GIRL frowns at him, cringing and confusing. A fun beat begins to play in the background as ESTHER leans forward.

ESTHER  
Okay, so let’s do this weird exercise shit.

ALISTAIR nods to the beat of the music - now, familiarly, _"Hand in My Pocket" from Jagged little Pill_ \- but no one else seems to acknowledge it. 

ALISTAIR  
Okay, self-positive oxymoron, go.

He points at ESTHER, like a conductor.

ESTHER  
 _I'm broke, but I'm happy_

He then points at BRIANNA.

BRIANNA  
 _I'm poor, but I'm kind_

Then at RORI.

RORI  
 _I'm short, but I'm healthy, yeah_

She flexes her arms, BRIANNA laughing as she feels them, as ALISTAIR points at MILO.

MILO  
 _I'm high, but I'm grounded_

Then at LIZ.

LIZ  
 _I'm sane, but I'm overwhelmed_

Then at JAMES.

JAMES  
 _I'm lost, but I'm hopeful, baby_

ALISTAIR nods with a genuine smile, swaying to the music.

ALISTAIR  
 _And what it all comes down to  
_ _Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine_

He slides one hand into the front pocket of his jeans - doing a dance that can only be described as "just vibing".

ALISTAIR  
 _'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket  
_ _And the other one is giving a high five_

He holds a hand up at NICK, who gives him a a strange look. ALISTAIR awkwardly puts his hand down with a laugh and points at them, the group looking quite a bit happier. 

NICK  
 _I feel drunk, but I'm sober_

ALISTAIR points at JAKE.

JAKE  
 _I'm young and I'm underpaid_

Then at SOPHIE.

SOPHIE  
 _I'm tired, but I'm working, yeah_

She holds a fist up as ALISTAIR points at ANNABELL.

ANNABELL  
 _I care, but I'm restless_

Then at SANDY.

SANDY  
 _I'm here, but I'm really gone_

Then at THEO.

THEO  
 _I'm right and I'm sorry, baby_

ALISTAIR smiles, jumping onto the free bench, bopping to the song as the others stand up, beginning to move in time to the music.

ALISTAIR  
 _And what it all comes down to  
_ _Is that everything's gonna be quite alright  
_ _'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket  
_ _And the other one is flicking a cigarette_

He mimes flicking a cigarette and then jumps off the bench and looks off into the distance, taking a moment for himself, a bit sad, a bit wistful.

ALISTAIR  
 _And what it all comes down to  
_ _Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet_

He turns back around with a laugh, the smile back on his face.

ALISTAIR  
 _'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket  
_ _And the other one is giving a peace sign_

ALISTAIR gives a peace sign as BRIANNA snorts.

BRIANNA  
Way to appropriate bi culture.

ALISTAIR hesitates for a moment, before realising she's joking and gives her a look.

ALISTAIR  
I’m _appreciating_ it.

BRIANNA nods, like “fair enough” as ALISTAIR turns around to see THE GIRL pointing at him with a waiting grin. He shrugs and continues to sing:

ALISTAIR  
 _I'm free, but I'm focused  
_ _I'm green, but I'm wise  
_ _I'm hard, but I'm friendly, baby_

He looks past THE GIRL and sees ELEANOR walking past with a group of her theatre friends. They make eye contact for a brief moment, both of their eyes betraying years of heartbreak, before ALISTAIR turns back to his friends with a laugh.

ALISTAIR  
 _I'm sad, but I'm laughing  
_ _I'm brave, but I'm chicken shit  
_ _I'm sick, but I'm pretty, baby_

He begins to dance, the others getting into it with him - very body focused, very stim-esque, much like the original Broadway choreo.

ALL  
 _And what it all boils down to  
_ _Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet  
_ _Well, I've got one hand in my pocket  
_ _And the other one is playing a piano_

They all mime playing the piano together - ALISTAIR actually miming playing the actual song rather than joking.

ALL  
 _And what it all comes down to, my friends, yeah  
_ _Is that everything is just fine, fine, fine  
_ _'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket  
_ _And the other one is hailing--_

The school bell rings as we focus on ALISTAIR’s face as all of his joy falls away. We zoom out, and everyone else is sitting on the benches like before, like they haven’t even moved, and they all begin to get up and gather themselves, as ALISTAIR quietly sings to himself:

ALISTAIR  
 _Shit…_

THE GIRL walks over to him and nods at the school. He leans down to THE GIRL’s ear, with a similarly impish grin to her, and whispers:

ALISTAIR  
The bell can blow me.

THE GIRL looks at him, eyes wide, scandalised, as he laughs quietly. She joins in, as the others begin to walk onto school, not noticing him. He looks over to them and quickly runs up to join them, still just a step behind.


	6. CLIP SIX: "Fucking Depressing"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to mention here in case you didn't see it in the tag: trigger warning for implied self harm at the end of this clip. nothing graphic is shown, but it is implied to happen.

**THURSDAY, MARCH 25TH, 19:06**

_“mirrorball” by Taylor Swift_ plays as we pan over suburban neighbourhoods, houses crammed close together, barely having room to breathe, before settling on ALISTAIR’s house.

INT. ALISTAIR’S BEDROOM, ALISTAIR’S HOUSE

ALISTAIR sits at his desk, headphones on, typing rapidly on a laptop that looks to be on its last legs, with sticky tape holding the charger into it. He's it's as THE GIRL sits on his bed, boredly flipping through a novel - “Wonderland” by Juno Dawson.

He sighs, rubbing his temples, as he grabs a pen and begins to take it apart as he reads over what he wrote. He scrolls down and then begins to put it back together as THE GIRL sighs loudly in the background.

THE GIRL  
Does everything you listen to have to be fucking depressing?

ALISTAIR doesn’t look up as he begins to type again - it's a sociology essay with a lot of long words and no real emotion behind it.

ALISTAIR  
I have depression.

THE GIRL  
Still. You can be depressed and listen to some bops every now and then.

ALISTAIR turns and frowns at her.

ALISTAIR  
This song _is_ a bop. From a Grammy Album of the Year winning album. Respect it.

THE GIRL rolls her eyes, looking away sceptically.

THE GIRL  
Jesus Christ… 

ALISTAIR turns back around and goes back to typing, bopping his head up and down, but then the song gets a bit quieter - he ignores it, but THE GIRL raises her hand.

THE GIRL  
You gonna get that?

ALISTAIR looks at her, confused.

ALISTAIR  
Get what?

He looks down at his phone screen - he’s getting a call from “Mum”. His eyes go wide as he unplugs his headphones quickly, the song stopping as he takes them off.

ALISTAIR  
Oh shit.

He shuts his laptop and glances quickly between his phone, the half-fixed pen and THE GIRL.

ALISTAIR  
She didn't say she was calling. What-- What do I do?

THE GIRL  
I don’t know!

ALISTAIR panickedly begins tapping his table, staring down at the phone.

THE GIRL  
If you don’t answer, she's gonna be disappointed and she's gonna call Dad and talk to him about it.

ALISTAIR  
But I don't wanna talk to her.

THE GIRL frowns, mock-confused.

THE GIRL  
What does that have to do with me?

ALISTAIR groans, hitting his head with his hands.

ALISTAIR  
I hate this! 

THE GIRL laughs a little, rocking back and forth.

THE GIRL  
Gotta make a choice! She's gonna hang up soon.

ALISTAIR turns to her, breathing heavily.

ALISTAIR  
What if I decide not to decide?

THE GIRL stares at him with utter confusion.

THE GIRL  
This isn’t Into The Woods, idiot!

ALISTAIR whines, and then picks up the phone, answering it.

ALISTAIR  
[hesitantly] Hello?

MONICA O'CONNELL then speaks over the phone, her voice still refined and polite over the crackle:

MONICA [V.O.]  
Hi, honey.

ALISTAIR forces a smile, trying to slow down his breathing and sound smoother.

ALISTAIR  
Hi Mum. How’re you?

MONICA [V.O.]  
Good, good. Just wanted to check in on you, see how you’re doing.

ALISTAIR awkwardly laughs, trying to be joking.

ALISTAIR  
Well, you’re not seeing, we’re on the phone.

A beat. The joke does not land.

MONICA [V.O.]  
[awkwardly] Okay.

ALISTAIR looks over to THE GIRL - who rolls her eyes.

ALISTAIR  
That was a joke.

MONICA [V.O.]  
Right, yes, I knew that.

Another moment of silence. ALISTAIR sighs quietly, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his temples.

MONICA [V.O.]  
Well, um, how’s school?

ALISTAIR  
Educational. How’s lawyer-ing?

MONICA [V.O.]  
Great. Just closed a really good case yesterday, everything’s going great.

ALISTAIR nods, awkwardly smiling.

ALISTAIR  
Cool.

An awkward silence. ALISTAIR glances at THE GIRL again, who shrugs, looking back down at her book. He clears his throat.

ALISTAIR  
Um, did you want anything?

A beat.

MONICA [V.O.]  
Just wanted to chat.

ALISTAIR nods, looking a bit confused as he taps his fingers together nervously..

MONICA [V.O.]  
Have you gotten any new drugs yet?

ALISTAIR  
Uh, no. I have to wait a bit to let the lithium leave my system before I start anything new, so… A lot of headaches.

They share a strained laugh that goes on for a moment too long.

MONICA [V.O.]  
Take some painkillers for them for me.

ALISTAIR awkwardly nods, every part of him tense.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, okay.

A pause.

MONICA [V.O.]  
Well… 

ALISTAIR sighs, trying to stay as quiet as possible.

MONICA [V.O.]  
We’ll talk more later.

ALISTAIR  
Yep.

MONICA [V.O.]  
Bye, Kelly.

ALISTAIR inhales sharply, like he’s just been hit.

ALISTAIR  
Bye.

He quickly hangs up, slamming his phone down on the desk as he puts his head in his hands, sighing loudly as THE GIRL laughs in the background, blowing out some air.

THE GIRL  
That was painful.

ALISTAIR rolls his eyes and he stands up, pushing himself off of his chair, pissed, as he silently passes THE GIRL.

THE GIRL  
Hello?

He walks out the door and slams it shut. For a moment, we see THE GIRL’s face fall - so, _so_ hurt.

INT. BATHROOM

ALISTAIR quickly walks into the bathroom and over to the sink. He shakily holds onto the rim of it, breathing in and out heavily as he slowly looks up to look into the mirror. He tilts his head, no idea who it is he’s looking at.

He opens the mirror, to see the cabinet of bathroom items. Bottles and boxes and brushes. He takes a box down from the cabinet and goes to open it, his hands moving by habit as a soft piano melody begins to play - _"Smiling" from Jagged Little Pill._

He hesitates, and then puts the box back where he found it - but it isn’t like he’s putting it back. It’s like he’s taking it out, but in reverse. Like we're going back in time - paralleling the original Broadway choreography.

INT. ALISTAIR’S BEDROOM

We see ALISTAIR go back through the phone call in a reverse fast forward, and then go back to his reading - but he's still singing the song. His body moves against what he's saying, but he doesn't fight it.

ALISTAIR   
_This is a life of extremes  
_ _Both sides are slippery and enticing  
_ _These are my places off the rails_

INT. DINING ROOM

We cut downstairs as we see ALISTAIR, PATRICK, AUDREY and BRIANNA all eating dinner in reverse, the latter three all talking pleasantly as ALISTAIR nods in silence, the usual smile on his face as he keeps singing, unnoticed.

ALISTAIR  
 _This loose recollection of a falling  
_ _Barely remember who I failed  
_ _I was just trying to keep it together_

EXT. STREETS

We see ALISTAIR walking backwards down the street, schoolbag slung over his shoulders as he smiles at passers by.

ALISTAIR  
 _This is the first wave of my white flag  
_ _This is the sound of me hitting bottom  
_ _This, my surrender, if that's what you call it_

He's finally on his own for a moment, and he lets his face relax.

ALISTAIR  
 _And the anatomy of my crash_

We see ALISTAIR get down on the ground, his hands grazing on the concrete, as he gets back up, like he’s tripping.

ALISTAIR  
 _And I keep on smiling  
_ _Keep on moving  
_ _Can't stand still_

And he keeps walking, a wide smile stuck on his face.

INT. HALLWAY, BACA

We see ALISTAIR walking down the hallway of the school, a step behind the GIRL SQUAD, awkwardly trying to lean forward and stay a part of the conversation, but he’s not really there.

ALISTAIR  
 _Me, the ceiling-less great achiever  
_ _Me, the notorious perfect brother  
_ _Lured to ends of overwhelm_

INT. CANTEEN, BACA

We see the GIRL SQUAD and LAD SQUAD all sitting together at lunch, all talking and laughing and eating, as ALISTAIR awkwardly sits in the corner, constant smile on his face as he confusedly looks between all of the conversation, his eyes exhausted.

ALISTAIR  
 _This is the first wave of my white flag  
_ _This is the sound of me hitting bottom  
_ _This, my surrender, if that's what you call it  
_ _And the anatomy of my crash_

We see each of the people at the table slowly “leave”, sometimes on their own, sometimes in small groups, until it’s just ALISTAIR sitting on his own, the smile never leaving his face.

ALISTAIR  
 _And I keep on smiling  
_ _Keep on moving  
_ _Can't stand still_

EXT. STREETS

We see ALISTAIR walking “backwards” down the street again, this time in the opposite direction. 

ALISTAIR  
 _Such pretty forks in the road  
_ _On this continuum I've been bound to  
_ _Life flashing promise before my eyes_

INT. ALISTAIR’S HOUSE

We see ALISTAIR go through his morning routine again, “leaving” out the door, getting his breakfast, going upstairs and getting “dressed”.

ALISTAIR  
 _This is the first wave of my white flag  
_ _This is the sound of me hitting bottom  
_ _This, my surrender, if that's what you call it  
_ _And the anatomy of my crash_

INT. BATHROOM

ALISTAIR walks into the bathroom in his pyjamas and looks into the mirror again, and we static between him in pyjamas and him in his normal clothes - shaking and switching, but it's mostly identical - before settling on his normal clothes, now back to the current evening.

ALISTAIR [V.O.]  
 _And I keep on smiling_

He opens the mirror and takes out the box again, closing the mirror cabinet and setting the box on the edge of the sink.

ALISTAIR [V.O.]  
 _Keep on moving_

He pulls the sleeves of his shirt up, revealing white bandages covering both of his forearms. He lets out a deep sigh, looking at them.

ALISTAIR [V.O.]  
 _Can't stand still_

We focuses on the back of ALISTAIR's head, seeing his face in the mirror as he takes the bandages off of his arms and they drop into the bin.

ALISTAIR [V.O.]  
 _Can't stand still_

He opens the box - we don’t see what he takes out, but we see his face in the mirror, a blank and empty expression. He suddenly winces in pain, sharply inhaling as we quickly cut away to the box - it's a box of razor blades.


	7. CLIP SEVEN: "One More Try"

**FRIDAY, MARCH 26TH, 15:26**

We quietly pan down a busy street, with schoolchildren walking home, laughing and joking around as we reach the Sallis Benney Theatre.

INT. STAGE, SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE

The room is all but empty, with ALISTAIR sitting alone on the stage, headphones on, staring down at his phone with a smile. Next to him sits a pile of loose sheet music, piled up in a folder as THE GIRL sits in the audience in front of him, biting her nails boredly. On ALISTAIR’s phone, an episode of “Dimension 20: Fantasy High” is beginning.

BRENNAN [V.O.]  
Welcome back to Fantasy High! My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan and these are our intrepid heroes. Say hi, intrepid heroes!

ALISTAIR waves at the screen in time with the people on it.

INTREPID HEROES/ALISTAIR  
Hi, intrepid heroes!

THE GIRL looks up at him, full of judgement as the video continues quietly in the background.

THE GIRL  
You are such a nerd.

ALISTAIR waves a hand at her, not looking up.

ALISTAIR  
Shh! It’s my favourite episode.

THE GIRL  
You say that about _every_ episode.

ALISTAIR glares at her for a moment, but can't help smiling.

ALISTAIR  
It’s the one where Adaine fights her bitchy sister, Aelwyn, but then she gets a really interesting redemption arc in Sophomore Year, so you can look at this fight in a whole new way!

THE GIRL  
Cool. Still weird.

ALISTAIR rolls his eyes, staring back down at his phone as THE GIRL groans loudly.

THE GIRL  
Come on, you should be practising right now.

ALISTAIR  
I will in a few minutes.

THE GIRL  
This is our only time alone with a proper piano. And if you’re never going to actually practise, and then your time here will be up before you know it because they have a square dancing class here at five.

ALISTAIR looks up at her, confused.

ALISTAIR  
I don’t have a set time to be here.

THE GIRL rolls her eyes.

THE GIRL  
Please, Joan knows you come here after school. She gave you keys to the place, for God’s sake.

ALISTAIR  
Watch the language.

THE GIRL  
You’re an atheist.

ALISTAIR shakes his hand in the air, as if to motion "so-so".

ALISTAIR  
Eh, you never know.

He smiles, not looking up from his phone.

ALISTAIR  
You know what? Kristen Applebees has a really good arc around religion.

THE GIRL rolls her eyes with a loud sigh, sinking down in her seat.

THE GIRL  
Oh my God, shut up.

ALISTAIR  
She literally makes two gods! For funsies!

THE GIRL  
Do you think anyone actually cares about what you’re saying?

ALISTAIR sighs quietly, pausing the video on his phone.

ALISTAIR  
There’s no one here. I'm having fun in my own time.

THE GIRL  
Exactly. Wouldn’t your friends be here if they really cared about you?

ALISTAIR rolls his eyes - clearly used to this by now.

ALISTAIR  
Most people don't have friends come to their piano practise.

THE GIRL  
Well, most people have friends that they hang out with.

ALISTAIR lets out a quiet breath, looking around at the theatre.

ALISTAIR  
They don't care about this stuff like I do.

THE GIRL  
Yeah, ‘cause they have solid plans for their lives. You just have, what? Writing? Music? Acting?

She laughs dismissively.

THE GIRL  
You’ll be starving by the time you’re twenty.

ALISTAIR jokingly wags a finger at her.

ALISTAIR  
Jokes on you, I get money from the government because I’m disabled.

THE GIRL  
You can’t live on it.

ALISTAIR  
Which is fucked up.

THE GIRL  
Well, you don’t need it. You’re just taking it from someone who actually needs it.

ALISTAIR’s eyes go wide as he goes still. He looks around, blinking rapidly.

ALISTAIR  
I…

THE GIRL leans forward, an evil little smile crossing her face.

THE GIRL  
I mean, are you even actually disabled?

ALISTAIR begins to nod, but then stops himself. He awkwardly shrugs.

THE GIRL  
You can go to school, can’t you?

ALISTAIR  
Yes. The doctors said so.

THE GIRL  
Doctors say a lot of things.

A beat. He gives her a look.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah. They tend to do that.

TH GIRL rolls her eyes at him as he sighs, going seriously.

ALISTAIR  
I-- I’m always late because I have trouble getting out of bed and getting ready, and the second I get home, I pass out and can’t talk to anyone for hours because I’m so exhausted.

THE GIRL  
Yeah, so does everyone else.

ALISTAIR looks confused for a moment, laughing a little.

ALISTAIR  
No, they can’t possibly…

THE GIRL gives him a look as he sighs, quick and angry, sitting up straighter.

ALISTAIR  
Can you just shut up and let me enjoy this?

THE GIRL  
You shouldn’t be enjoying your stupid dice show, you should be working!

ALISTAIR groans, slamming his fists down onto the stage.

ALISTAIR  
Fuck!

ELEANOR [O.S.]  
Ali?

ALISTAIR freezes and looks over to the entrance, where ELEANOR EARLY is standing, holding her phone tight in her hand, surprised. He blinks, not quite sure if she's there or not.

ALISTAIR  
Ellie?

She nods, beginning to smile, as ALISTAIR remains perfectly still.

ALISTAIR  
You frightened me.

ELEANOR begins to walk towards the stage as he slowly takes his headphones off, glancing over at THE GIRL - she stares blankly ahead, catatonic.

ELEANOR  
What are you doing here?

THE GIRL  
[whispers] Why did you frighten me?

ALISTAIR ignores her, looking at ELEANOR as she approaches.

ALISTAIR  
What are _you_ doing here?

ELEANOR laughs, like something’s a bit confusing - ALISTAIR is even more confused.

ELEANOR  
Well, uh, I’m actually here to book some rehearsal space.

ALISTAIR frowns at her, so she goes on.

ELEANOR  
Spotlight’s doing a big showcase for the end of the school year. Like a cabaret thing, all random numbers and stuff. Seeing as Miss Saigon got cancelled, in the most literal sense of the word.

She laughs a little, ALISTAIR joining in, a little half-heartedly.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah...

ELEANOR shakes her head, walking onto the stage to sit next to him.

ELEANOR  
No, I totally get it though. I was trying to convince my mum to choose something else. I mean, that show’s so old anyways, but she insisted. It's her favourite and it means a lot to her, blah blah blah. You know what she’s like when she gets an idea in her head.

ALISTAIR snorts, nodding.

ALISTAIR  
Boy, do I… 

ELEANOR laughs a little, nodding, as ALISTAIR awkwardly shifts away from her.

ELEANOR  
A lot of people are disappointed about it, you know. You should've seen some of the meltdowns that happened a few weeks ago.

ALISTAIR  
No offence, but I kind of don't care.

ELEANOR blinks, confused, as ALISTAIR sighs, explaining himself:

ALISTAIR  
I don't care about white kid being sad they can't act out racist stereotypes in public. I mean, you shouldn't have even tried to do it in the first place. You remember the whole controversy about the original version of Miss Saigon?

ELEANOR  
Kind of?

ALISTAIR  
There were so many protests about them doing yellowface and casting white men as Asian characters. And, you know, the whole racism and misogyny in the plot of it.

ELEANOR  
My mum just likes it 'cause it's a classic. It was a mistake, but you can't blame the kids for going along with it. They were just excited... 

A beat. It's very awkwardly grown up.

ELEANOR  
Look, um… I’ve been thinking lately.

ALISTAIR  
Well, yes. We all think all the time.

ELEANOR laughs as ALISTAIR smiles a little, pleased that someone got his joke.

ELEANOR  
Yeah, but… About us.

ALISTAIR stiffens, tense, nervous, as ELEANOR awkwardly sighs, trying to get the right words out.

ELEANOR  
More specifically, about how much of a cunt I was to you.

ALISTAIR and THE GIRL wear matching shocked expressions. THE GIRLS’s face breaks into a smile as ALISTAIR makes eye contact with ELEANOR.

ELEANOR  
I just… I know I act like a cunt a lot of the time. It's 'cause I don't really understand things, but I'm trying to learn. I'm reading stuff and trying to be a good person. And... I’m so sorry, Al.

She shakes her head, genuinely, truly ashamed of herself.

ELEANOR  
I was just so angry at my mum, at myself, at the world, and I had nowhere to let it out, and… You were there. And… I was really shitty about you being trans. Which, I realise now, is because of some weird internalised sexuality/gender stuff going on with me that I’m still trying to figure out. Once again, you just happened to be there. 

A pause. ALISTAIR takes a shaky breath, not quite believing what she's saying.

ELEANOR  
Nothing I did was your fault. I’m really sorry.

ALISTAIR slowly nods, taking it in.

ALISTAIR  
Okay.

ELEANOR nods, beginning to smile, deeply relieved.

ELEANOR  
I just… I didn’t want to end my school career without fixing things with you, because… You’ve always been my best friend. You know me like no one else.

ALISTAIR laughs a little, nodding.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, same here.

ELEANOR laughs a little, nostalgically looking out into the theatre.

ELEANOR  
I remember when we were really little, and you slept over at my house and my mum started yelling at me because we had ice cream when we watched “Tangled” together, but then you just told her she was stupid and that I should eat whatever I want to eat.

ALISTAIR laughs too, grinning widely as he nods.

ALISTAIR  
I stand by that. She’s quite a bitch.

ELEANOR nods, fully agreeing.

ELEANOR  
Yeah… 

They both trail off into silence for a moment. At the same moment, they look at each other, and laugh a little, intensely awkward. ELEANOR sighs, breaking the silence.

ELEANOR  
I miss you so much.

Before thinking, ALISTAIR spills out:

ALISTAIR  
I miss you too.

He stutters for a few moments.

ALISTAIR  
I just... I don't know.

EANOR tilts her head, genuinely listening.

ELEANOR  
What don't you know?

ALISTAIR looks over at THE GIRL - she's just staring down at the ground.

ALISTAIR  
I don't know why.

ELEANOR snorts.

ELEANOR  
You miss me because we were friends. That-- That still feels weird to say. "Were".

ALISTAIR  
Well, things change, right?

ELEANOR nods sadly, swinging her feet over the edge of the stage..

ELEANOR  
Yeah. You're all buddy-buddy with Brianna now.

ALISTAIR  
They're my sister, El. I kind of have to get along with her.

ELEANOR  
She was always so mean to us, though. Remember when she literally turned the Wi-Fi off when we were watching the Tonys?

ALISTAIR  
We were fourteen and, to be fair, we were being quite loud.

ELEANOR  
Still. That isn't cool.

ELEANOR looks up at him, incredibly vulnerable.

ELEANOR  
Are… Are we cool?

She laughs a little, trying to shrug her real feelings off.

ELEANOR  
Just… I know it’s a lot to ask, and I’ve been so shitty, but… I really want to be your friend again. I miss hanging out with you. I miss talking to you. I even miss the way you would make us all rehearse for hours until we got it exactly perfect.

ALISTAIR laughs quietly, nodding - he remembers.

ELEANOR  
Forget Kelly and Ellie, let’s be Al and El.

He awkwardly laughs, shrugging and stuttering.

ALISTAIR  
I… 

He stares down at his lap, blinking rapidly, becoming unthere as a piano begins to play - _"One More Try" from & Juliet._

ELEANOR  
 _Have you ever felt out of place?_

ALISTAIR looks at her, a little confused at what's going on.

ELEANOR  
 _Like something knocked you off, off your wave  
_ _You try to lift your head up  
_ _To show 'em what you're made of_

She laughs a little, awkward and insecure and human - and ALISTAIR listens.

ELEANOR  
 _I used to always feel too afraid  
_ _To take that extra step, make a change  
_ _But now I've gotta stand up  
_ _And show 'em what I'm made of  
_

She sits up a little straighter, keeping her head high as the lights above them change from normal ceiling lights to the beautiful shining spotlights of the stage.

ELEANOR  
 _Ooh, we all were born to break the rules  
_ _I know I've got a lot of hill to climb  
_ _But on this starry night  
_ _I'm feeling new  
_ _Oh, oh anything goes_

She bumps her shoulder against ALISTAIR’s and he tenses at the contact, not used to it at all - but it's not unwelcome.

ELEANOR  
 _This is the moment I've waited for  
_ _Won't hold it back, no, not anymore  
_ _I'm starting over with tears in my eyes  
_ _All that I'm asking is one more try?_

She raises her eyebrows at ALISTAIR, waiting for an answer, but he simply doesn’t have one.

ELEANOR  
 _Sick of being told who I am  
_ _Been put into a box, no, not again  
_ _It's time for us to step out  
_ _And show 'em what we’re all about_

ALISTAIR nods a little, getting in to it and understanding what she's saying - as the lights turn golden around them.

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
 _'Cause ooh, we all were born to break the rules  
_ _I know I've got a lot of hill to climb  
_ _But on this starry night  
_ _I'm feeling new  
_ _Oh, oh anything goes_

ALISTAIR smiles at her, ELEANOR grinning back at him even wider.

ALISTAIR  
 _This is the moment I've waited for  
_ _Won't hold it back, no, not anymore  
_ _I'm starting over with tears in my eyes  
_ _All that I'm asking is one more try_

ELEANOR nods, dark blue shining down on her.

ELEANOR  
 _I've made mistakes and I've let you down  
_ _Been young and stupid, I see it now_

ALISTAIR and ELEANOR  
 _I'm starting over with tears in my eyes  
_ _All that I'm asking is one more try_

Slowly but surely, ELEANOR offers her hand to ALISTAIR. He looks down at it for a moment. Really thinking about it. He glances over at THE GIRL, who looks up - and nods. He takes ELEANOR's hand with an unapologetic smile.

ALISTAIR  
 _One more try_

ELEANOR  
 _I've made mistakes_

ALISTAIR  
 _I've let you down_

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
 _Been young and stupid, I see it now  
_ _I'm starting over  
_ _With tears in my eyes  
_ _All that I'm asking_

They smile together, quietly laughing as the key changes - both of them effortlessly going along with it. They're professionals here, they know what they're doing.

ALISTAIR  
 _I've made mistakes_

ELEANOR  
 _I've let you down_

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
 _Been young and stupid, I see it now  
_ _I'm starting over with tears in my eyes  
_ _All that I'm asking is one more try_

The song leaves as they sing the last note - the lights returning to their clinical overhead selves - and they wait in heavy silence. ELEANOR squeezes his hand.

ELEANOR  
So? What do you say, Al?

ALISTAIR’s face breaks into a wide, radiant smile.

ALISTAIR  
I’ve fucking missed you.

ELEANOR smiles back, as ALISTAIR wraps her into a tight hug.

ELEANOR  
I missed you too, dude.

They separate as ELEANOR gasps, clearly very excited.

ELEANOR  
We have so much to catch up on. You missed so much shit that went down. For starters, Brooks finally came out as gay.

ALISTAIR snorts, already fully invested in the drama.

ALISTAIR  
[sarcastic] No one saw that coming.

ELEANOR  
I know, right? We all had to pretend to be surprised. Oh, speaking of, Kayla got a girlfriend.

ALISTAIR gasps with a smile.

ALISTAIR  
No way!

ELEANOR  
Yeah! They both do cosplay stuff, it’s super cute. Although, one must admit that the Harry Potter cosplay at Pride was a bit much.

ALISTAIR blinks rapidly, speechless.

ALISTAIR  
I... And you let that happen? 

ELEANOR  
It was cute! I thought cringe culture was dead. If you don't like that, you should see joint TikTok account.

ALISTAIR snorts.

ALISTAIR  
Ooh, that’ll be interesting to see how it's handled in the break up.

ELEANOR  
You're always so optimistic about romances.

ALISTAIR  
It’s a hypothetical idea!

ELEANOR rolls her eyes fondly.

ELEANOR  
You and your ideas.

She gasps, clapping her hands.

ELEANOR  
Oh, speaking of ideas! The showcase!

A beat. ALISTAIR blinks, confused.

ALISTAIR  
What about it?

ELEANOR smiles, like it's obvious.

ELEANOR  
You should totally come back to Spotlight and help out!

ALISTAIR smiles falls as he rapidly blinks. ELEANOR looks confused as he shrugs.

ALISTAIR  
I-- I don’t know.

ELEANOR  
Oh, are you and your friends doing a show this year?

ALISTAIR awkwardly laughs, looking down at his feet.

ALISTAIR  
Uh, no. They said we should “focus on our exams and work experience and shit”. That's a direct quote.

ELEANOR  
But this _is_ work experience for us.

ALISTAIR  
Exactly! But I can’t say that or I’ll be bullied until I die.

ELEANOR nods empathetically.

ELEANOR  
That sucks.

ALISTAIR  
One time I answered the door to the girls wearing a t-shirt I got in 2015 that said “And Peggy” on it, and they wouldn’t shut up about it for _weeks_.

ELEANOR laughs with a smile.

ELEANOR  
I bought you that shirt for your birthday!

ALISTAIR nods, cringing at himself.

ALISTAIR  
I wore it to practically every rehearsal I could.

ELEANOR  
Gotta show that you have the best taste in the room.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, but they don't think that. My new friends aren't exactly... theatre people. They're people that happen to also do theatre. I once referenced Lin Manuel-Miranda's "Bet On It" parody from, like, 2008, and they looked at me like I was crazy. And once I explained it, they called me a limp for weeks. It's short for Lin simp.

ELEANOR laughs for a moment, and then stops when ALISTAIR gives her a look. She makes eye contact with him, now serious.

ELEANOR  
You know your stuff, Al. Stuff which some people don't see as good, but I do. And I know a lot of people who do. Which is why I think you should come back. One last time.

ALISTAIR looks over to THE GIRL for an answer, but ELEANOR speaks before she can answer.

ELEANOR  
Imagine it, Al. You, choreographing, hanging out with the old gang. Solo parts - _boy_ parts. We’ll probably get a good duet, because we’re obviously the best two people there.

ALISTAIR laughs a little, shrugging.

ALISTAIR  
I… I don’t know. I almost killed myself with exhaustion doing Rent last year.

ELEANOR  
What did they have you doing?

ALISTAIR  
Well, I was Mark, I assistant directed, choreographed, helped out with sets, costumes, lighting design, sound design, did some stage managing, filmed the show, helped a lot with the advertising and designing of the playbills and posters and stuff.

A beat. ELEANOR looks at him, wide-eyed.

ELEANOR  
Holy fuck. How are you not dead?

ALISTAIR shrugs it off.

ALISTAIR  
They only wanted me to do the first three things, but you know me. I like helping and I just can’t say no.

ELEANOR laughs, putting on a Southern American accent.

ELEANOR  
You _cain’t_ say no.

ALISTAIR laughs, dramatically.

ALISTAIR  
God, I love Tony Award Winner Ali Stroker.

ELEANOR  
Me too, she’s an icon, but moving on. How much did they pay you for that?

ALISTAIR  
Oh, I didn’t get paid.

ELEANOR’s eyes go wide as saucers as ALISTAIR shrugs, like it's perfectly normal.

ALISTAIR  
It was really good experience, though. Though I did technically lose money because I gave away all my life savings so Bree could get a good lawyer for her case, and she did, which is cool.

ELEANOR looks confused.

ELEANOR  
What case?

ALISTAIR freezes for a moment, before quickly shaking his head.

ALISTAIR  
Oh, um, it isn’t my story to tell.

ELEANOR nods.

ELEANOR  
Fair enough. But do you know what? You got a lot of stories to tell. And we can tell them. Together.

She dramatically looks off into the distance, ALISTAIR following her faze hopefully.

ELEANOR  
You, me, the stage. I know you’re definitely applying to drama schools for uni, and this would help! Real experience! And imagine if we got in together. Early and Fletcher, living the childhood dream.

THE GIRL [O.S.]  
There’s literally less than 1 percent chance of that happening.

ALISTAIR laughs awkwardly, glancing down at THE GIRL before looking at ELEANOR.

ALISTAIR  
There’s literally less than 1 percent chance of that happening.

ELEANOR  
And that isn’t zero!

She sighs dramatically.

ELEANOR  
Come on, what happened to Al the big dreamer?

ALISTAIR  
He was forced to grow up and deal with the never ending anxiety of reality.

ELEANOR rolls her eyes, laughing.

ELEANOR  
Well, grow back down!

She jumps up, a quick beat beginning as she starts to sing - _"I Want It All" from High School Musical 3: Senior Year._

ELEANOR  
 _Imagine having everything we ever dreamed  
_ _Don't you want it?_

ALISTAIR looks around, confused, no idea that this was going to happen as the stage lights flash back on.

ALISTAIR  
Maybe?

ELEANOR  
 _Can't you see it?_

ALISTAIR  
Kind of?

ELEANOR  
 _Imagine first audition after uni, I get the lead_

ALISTAIR  
A part for me?

ELEANOR  
 _Well, of course_

THE GIRL and ALISTAIR roll their eyes in perfect unison.

ALISTAIR  
Yeah, right.

ELEANOR  
 _You've gotta believe it_

ALISTAIR nods - definitely not believing it.

ALISTAIR  
Keep talking.

ELEANOR  
 _You and I, all the fame_

ALISTAIR  
 _Eleanor, and what's his name?_

ELEANOR  
 _Sound exciting?_

ALISTAIR  
 _Inviting_

ELEANOR  
 _Let's do it then!_

ALISTAIR sighs, reluctantly standing up next to her.

ALISTAIR  
 _Listening_

ELEANOR  
 _Personal stylist, agent, and a publicist_

ALISTAIR  
 _But where do I fit into this?_

ELEANOR  
 _With you, I can win_

ALISTAIR frowns, confused.

ALISTAIR  
 _Win a part?_

ELEANOR  
 _Think bigger_

ALISTAIR does a sarcastic little dance, making ELEANOR laughs.

ALISTAIR  
 _Become superstars?_

ELEANOR grins at him, 100% serious as she begins to dance - showbiz style, baby!

ELEANOR  
 _That's better  
_ _Don't you see that  
_ _Bigger is better  
_ _And better is bigger?  
_ _A little bit is never enough  
_ _No, no, no_

She spins around dramatically as the scenery changes to a beautiful, dramatic, professional stage set. An ensemble of dancers and back up singers perform behind her as ALISTAIR looks around, surprised and enchanted.

ELEANOR and ENSEMBLE  
 _Don't you want it all?  
_ _You want it, you know that you want it  
_ _The fame and the fortune and more  
_ _You want it all_

She hands him a newspaper with their pictures on the front with the headline: “EARLY AND FLETCHER LEAD THE MARCH FOR TRANS REP ON THE STAGE”. ALISTAIR looks down at it with a smile, seeing all he’s ever wanted.

ELEANOR and ENSEMBLE  
 _You want it  
_ _You know that you want it  
_ _You've got to have your star on the door  
_ _You want the world, nothing less  
_ _All the glam and the press  
_ _Only giving you the best reviews_

She takes the newspaper from him, throwing it away as she motions for him to join in the big dance number.

ELEANOR  
 _Say it!_

ALISTAIR nods - because it's the truth.

ALISTAIR and ELEANOR  
 _I want it all  
_ _I want it, want it, want it  
_ _My name in lights at Royal Albert Hall  
_ _I want it all_

ELEANOR grins, motioning around at the set and the people around them.

ELEANOR  
Can’t you see it?

ALISTAIR  
Yeah! They’re gonna love me!

ELEANOR clears her throat, giving him a look as he smiles apologetically at her.

ALISTAIR  
I mean, us.

The set changes to ALISTAIR and ELEANOR coming out of a theatre stage door, and they begin to sign Playbills for their adoring fans.

ELEANOR  
 _Red carpet, rose bouquets  
_ _Crowd waiting back stage_

ALISTAIR  
 _I'm with her, don't stop me, I'm not the paparazzi_

ELEANOR  
 _Invitations  
_ _Standing ovations_

ALISTAIR  
 _Twitter threads?_

ELEANOR  
 _Bitch, yes_

They take a selfie with a fan, who begins to sob as they grin at each other.

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
 _Christy and Derek found dead!_

The scene changes to a nice, New York-esque restaurant. Cameras flash as ELEANOR and ALISTAIR walk in and are met with beautiful caricatures drawings of themselves - this is Sardi's, a very famous Broadway eatery.

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
 _Photographs, Tumblr blogs  
_ _Give the people what they want_

ELEANOR  
 _Now you're excited_

ALISTAIR  
 _I like it!_

ELEANOR  
 _Let's do it then_

ALISTAIR  
 _Yeah!_

ALISTAIR and ELEANOR  
 _Times Square, jet-setter, lead roles pay better  
_ _Brighton today, tomorrow the world!_

The cameras flash again as the set changes to a row of plane seats as they sit down next to each other, wearing much fancier versions of their clothes.

ALISTAIR  
 _Sold out shows?_

ELEANOR  
 _Think bigger_

ALISTAIR  
 _And the EGOT goes to_

ELEANOR  
 _That's better_

They bump shoulders with a laugh, full dramatics.

ALISTAIR and ELEANOR  
 _Don't you see that  
_ _Bigger is better  
_ _And better is bigger?  
_ _A little bit is never enough  
_ _No, no, no_

The set spins around to a typical New York set, with the skyline set out in cardboard, as the “ensemble” dance around them.

ALISTAIR, ELEANOR and ENSEMBLE  
 _I want it all  
_ _I want it, I want it, I want it  
_ _The fame and the fortune and more  
_ _I want it all  
_ _I want it, want it, want it  
_ _I gotta have my star on the door  
_ _I want the world, nothing less  
_ _All the glam and the press  
_ _Only giving me the best reviews  
_ _I want it all  
_ _I want it, want it, want it  
_ _Radio City Musical Hall  
_ _We want it all!_

ALISTAIR scrolls through a phone, as the screen is projected onto the wall at the back of the stage - endless think pieces and articles about the rampant success of a theatre-maker who is autistic, trand and gay, taking the world by storm.

ALISTAIR  
 _Here in the spotlight we shine  
_ _Look at who we are_

ELEANOR leans over and scrolls further down, where ELEANOR’s name is added onto ALISTAIR’s success - her starring in his latest musical.

ELEANOR  
 _When the world knows your name_

ALISTAIR and ELEANOR  
 _You know that you're a star!_

ALISTAIR spins to the front of the stage, New York lifting away to a bright festival background in London.

ALISTAIR  
 _Dance!_

He begins to dance with the ensemble as ELEANOR watches from the side, typing quickly on her phone. He waves out to the “audience” - the camera.

ALISTAIR  
Hello, West End Live!

ELEANOR  
They love you!

A canned crowd begins to cheer as ALISTAIR dramatically bows.

ALISTAIR  
Thank you! Thank you all!

ELEANOR sighs dramatically, holding up her phone.

ELEANOR  
It's James Corden texting… Again. He wants us on the show.

ALISTAIR quickly shakes his head, miming cutting his own neck as ELEANOR nods, agreeing.

ELEANOR  
Yeah, we’ll get back to him.

They spin around, and the set changes to two large dressing rooms, and we see ALISTAIR and ELEANOR beginning to get ready - it isn’t clear what for, but they’re extremely focused on looking perfect.

ALISTAIR and ELEANOR  
 _I want it, I, I, I want it, want it  
_ _I want it, I, I, I want it all  
_ _I want it, I, I, I want it, want it  
_ _I want it, I, I, I, I want it all  
_ _I want it, I, I, I want it, want it  
_ _I want it, I, I, I, I want it all_

As the bridges builds up, the ensemble run in front of the stage, and by the time they’re gone, the set is now a red carpet, with the background clearly advertising “The Tonys”. ALISTAIR and ELEANOR are in beautifully Avant Garde formal wear, arms hooked.

ALISTAIR and ELEANOR  
 _I want it all  
_ _I want it, want it, want it  
_ _The fame and the fortune and more  
_ _I want it all  
_ _I want it, want it, want it  
_ _I gotta have my star on the door_

They do their own mini-kick line as the set is lifted away, going back to the blank city skyline.

ELEANOR and ALISTAIR  
 _I want the world, nothing less  
_ _All the glam and the press  
_ _Only giving me the best reviews  
_ _I want it all_

We cut quickly from one side of the stage to the other, with each time we do, the two of them change costumes. Right now, we see them as Enjolras and Eponine from _Les Miserables._

ELEANOR  
 _Paris!_

Now Melchior and Wendla from _Spring Awakening._

ALISTAIR  
 _London!_

Now Orpheus and Eurydice from _Hadestown_.

ELEANOR  
 _Rome!_

Now JD and Veronica from _Heathers_.

ALISTAIR  
 _Toronto!_

Now Dr Pomatter and Jenna from _Waitress_.

ELEANOR  
 _L.A!_

Now Evan and Zoe from _Dear Evan Hansen_.

ALISTAIR  
 _Sydney!_

Now Fiyero and Elphaba from _Wicked_.

ELEANOR  
 _Buenos Aires!_

Now Jamie and Cathy from _The Last Five Years_.

ALISTAIR  
 _Tokyo!_

Now Anatole and Natasha from _Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812._

ELEANOR  
 _Moscow!_

Now Christian and Satine from _Moulin Rouge._

ALISTAIR  
 _Manila!_

Now they’re back to themselves, back in their normal clothes from before.

ALISTAIR and ESTHER  
 _New York City!  
_ _We want it all!_

The song ends with a flourish, as we come back to reality - where both ELEANOR and ALISTAIR are still sitting on the lip of the stage, and ALISTAIR blinks himself awake again. ELEANOR's looking at him with a smile, waiting.

ELEANOR  
So. Are you in or not?

ALISTAIR goes still for a moment, still having to think it over as THE GIRL leans in, an over enthusiastic audience member.

THE GIRL  
Do it!

ALISTAIR opens his mouth:

ALISTAIR  
I--

He’s cut off by his phone lighting up. He looks down to see a call from BRIANNA. He instantly hangs up and sees hundreds of messages from his many group chats that he’s seemingly ignored - all asking about the "plan for tonight" and wondering where ALISTAIR is, or if he died.

All smiles fall from his face as he begins to panic. He quickly stands up, gathering all of his belongings as ELEANOR looks at him, confused.

ALISTAIR  
Sorry, I have to go. I’ll get back to you on all that. Just give me, like, a week to think it over.

ELEANOR nods, a little bewildered as he quickly begins to jog out of the theatre.

ELEANOR  
Um, okay.

He calls over his shoulder as he reaches the door.

ALISTAIR  
Bye!

ELEANOR  
Bye… 

INT. FRONT HALL

ALISTAIR breathes heavily as he reaches the front hall, where THE GIRL is standing in front of him, her eyebrows raised as he sighs deeply. A long beat.

ALISTAIR  
Fuck.

_CUT TO CREDITS AS “I Want It All” from High School Musical 3 PLAYS_

_CUT TO BLACK_


End file.
